GWWF GWWF!

and yet... I still feel like

2007-08-22T14:00:00.001-04:00

Apocalypse

Apocalypse		100%
Magneto		99%
Dr. Doom		90%
Catwoman		89%
Dark Phoenix		88%
The Joker		85%
Riddler		84%
Juggernaut		84%
Two-Face		84%
Green Goblin		84%
Lex Luthor		80%
Poison Ivy		80%
Mr. Freeze		77%
Venom		76%
Kingpin		64%
Mystique		52%

You believe in survival of the fittest and you believe that you are the fittest.

Click here to take the Super Villain Personality Test

I am going to kill myself, Pt. 2

2007-08-21T18:23:00.000-04:00

ARGH•UGH•SIGH!!!!

What a freaking day.

No one can get my freaking name right. I have 2 last names and they
are reversed on my plane ticket. Now, even after my constant haggling
with 3rd party travel agent, even tho it's all their fault, the only
thing that they can suggest for me to do is pray that the lady at
the ticket counter ain't in a bitchy mood.

cuz if she is...

she ain't letting me on my plane.

And to make matters worse, the customer service rep. that I've been dealing
with of said agency, can't even get my name correct either! Even after
I've told her what it was she started a letter to me as...

"Dear Mr. Mujinaga..."

OMG I'm going to fucking kill myself. And to make matters worse, I'm supposed
to host this meeting where my name is on there by mistake.

WTF!?!?!?!?

What else can possibly go wrong today? Being told to scrap this...

Fig 1.

For this run-of-the-mill DC bullshit everyday crap...

Fig 2.

...this (ugh)

with one slab of a "I don't get iiiiit" comment

Spaztic Humpday

2007-08-15T17:56:00.000-04:00

uh oh... somebody woke up on the ditsy side of bed.

After cramming an unusually larger than normal load OF WORK
over the past couple of days, today I woke up by the sheer chance of
hearing the city's incessant sirens going off on the busy street
that we live on. I don't even remember getting into the showers'
but when I did, I couldn't even muster the energy to bend over
to wash my feet... it was so bad... it was like a pseudo puerto rican
shower except I did use soap, but only from the neck to thigh region.

It was like flapping hands over myself while lathering/washing/peeing
all at once. I couldn't even be bothered to wet my hair. I still was
so out of it that when I looked at my reflection, I was already satisfied
with my 'bed-head' look and didn't see the need for a shave, which I've
done daily since 13. Thank god I was raised right because I made sure to
pack a pack of chewing gum, even tho I do recall brushing my teeth.

To seal the deal, I took an official mexican bath and spritzed the
yuppiest gay stench we have, Gaultier me thinks.

By the time I played dress up, I was an automatic taxpayer in motion.
Item by item, my innate design sense dressed me up spiffily, trusting that
the end look would be better than if I had actually tried to look good.

The outcome garnered me 3 compliments this morning alone, so trust me, I'm
that good, heh. But my sense of perspective must've been off cuz I jumped
at the sight of my shadow, tightened my belt buckle 2 holes too much and
wore a pair of underwears that are as we type here, WAY TOO TIGHT I
feel a groin pain coming on... ugh

But what I think was the dumbest thing I did today was walk out the house with the
TV remote control on my way to work and didn't even realize it even after dialing
on it and putting it onto my ear for a while. Only when I angrily looked at
what I thought was my cellphone for the lack of tone, did I see that it
was a remote controller. Talk about an embarrassing walk of shame back home.

Another thing I have to note to myself about is that, 2 days old Chinese food
is way too old to eat anymore.

self actualization

2007-08-14T12:16:00.000-04:00

sadly, today marks a tragic day that one has to acknowledge.
it has been some time coming, and yes, foolishly, i have been
putting the obvious aside for a moments worth of extended happiness.
alas, no more able to face myself for the lies i have been telling
myself time and time again, i, have been forced to realize the
truth that is of my core.

no sympathy needed, i deserve what i have bestowed upon myself.
you can only blame others for so long, but, in the end of the day,
you have to face your own demons. and to continue to deny the
obvious because of some uncomfortable truth, will only prolong the
problem, where, in the end, dare i say, may leave me in a predicament
far worse than one can ever imagine...

today, i threw away all of my size 29 jeans...and some of my size 30
pants too

bwahahahaaaaa

DC Restaurant Week

2007-08-08T14:18:00.001-04:00

should be called DC RestauRANK Week!

Serving days old less than par marginally passable foods during this week to
promote your services defies the purpose of this events' intent.

Without naming names, dc chop house's, olives were fermented, steak was plane old
bland, tough and did I say old? Strawberry shortcake was a biscuit halved with
iced whipped cream and canned strawberries if ever such a thing did exist.
Wilted Caesar salad, crumbling corn bread and waaaay smaller than usual appetizer
portions...The only good thing that came from it was the functioning AC in
the blistering heat, unlike Ja... no names no names

things not do to

2007-08-07T11:14:00.001-04:00

point out a new friend's facelift scar, they are no longer your friend.

tell a family member that their spouse treats them like shit, it's NOYB apparently.

make plans with everybody and follow through on nobody, shifty shady flakey.

CTR

2007-07-31T09:17:00.000-04:00

last weekend, at a jewelry exhibition soiree, too gay and they only had champagne drinks, i wore this little piece of jewelry to play my part at this event. still hurting from the night before, i jokingly "acronymed" the initials of the ring, CTR, to cuntaroo. my boif loves Ru, Roo of Winnie the pooh and me, only being able to device cunta from the letters C and T, came up with this cutesy bit, cuntaroo. my bu is a cuntaroo and on and on i giggled while calling him that. he didn't mind at all, he got the joke, it was an intimate moment shared in the showers'.

so we're at this soiree, and i'm having glass after glass of veuve clicquot where i was actually having a pretty decent time with these ladies of the yesteryear's punctuated conversations about jewelry, hereditary rights and who's who of purchased art. when out of no where, one of them, whom i was suspecting as a lesbian, pointed to my pinky ring and asked me if i knew what it stood for.

this pinky ring i had on was shaped like a teeny green medallion with the initials, CTR, on it. a gift that my bu had gotten from this girl in kindergarten. being a pack rat, he's kept it all these years and i had appropriated as my own and worn it to this event of jewelry. without letting the lesbian further divulge what she thought it meant, i told her that i didn't know, but had made a silly nickname from it for my boif using these initials, which she then asked for. hesitantly, i told her, knowing that, it was a semi-insult to any woman, but, hey, she seemed lesbianic so, i thought, what the hell, she must love pussy.

turns out it's a ring for the Mormon faith and that no, she's not a lesbian but had just suffered from cancer and was recovering from chemotherapy which was why her hair was short and not dyke-ish. oh, and it stands for "Choose the Right."

woops

oh hush already! turns out that she's Mormon, as was her 'friend'... who also
appeared lesbianic to my blurry intoxicated eyes.

lord all mighty jesus christ for the love of god jesus joseph and mary...
why in the world do i always end up putting my foot in my mouth.

oh well, at least i know what that ring stands for and it's not cuntaroo anymore...

stay away from me you fat cow!

2007-07-26T12:24:00.000-04:00

OBESITY IS CONTAGIOUS....wow

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/07/26/health/26fat.html?ei=5070&en=8c861dec2a3deb73&ex=1186027200&adxnnl=1&emc=eta1&adxnnlx=1185467266-MatQZeETPtmK+SVaSVQInA

just another reason to hate... if you can't fix the problem, hate it. vaguely reminds
me of "this is your brain on drugs" campaign. why isn't anybody stating the obvious?
our tainted hormonally grown mass produced cannibalism-fed over processed food is to
blame! or howabout the amount of food that is served in every single eatery in this
country? or, why is eating healthy so goddamn fucking expensive!?!?!

its not sharks eating people, tornadoes destroying cities, it's fat is contagious now.

seriously, our news media is crap at the very best. this blind belief that they have
of serving the medium by reporting the truth is so scandalously untrue, much so like
their way of sensationalising everything for ratings, i can't even begin to comprehend what is what anymore.

now if ALLI sales go astronimically up, liposuction procedures increase by the meta-fold and sales to mouthwash increase to sky limits due to a sudden pitch in bulimia, heh heh, i would die laughing at you people.

in the end of the day, if those fatties are happy chugging food, let them!

now it seems like it's OK to hate on fatso's.... especially since you can catch it.

WOW

Cribbing

2007-07-23T15:23:00.000-04:00

so this is how they do it... pool, gym, arcade, stocked fridges, bars, saunas, jacuzzi, tennis court, grill, cabana, jungle gym, sega, nintendo, man u name it.
it was like going to club med, only, in long island, my girl lilo's hometown and even more exclusive, privately owned. one half of me couldn't get over it, the other half just so overwhelmed, i just about passed out and kept passing out everywhere. out on the couch, on the perfect 5000 count thread impossibly plush yet firm mattress, on the floor, on the lawn, in the pool. what with the most beautifullest, is that a word, weather ever, i was THIS close to achieving heaven. it would have been perfect, alas, this is just reality and we are cohabitants of mother nature.

what can it be? what can be missing? what in the world can this snippey queen whine
about to point out something less than perfect in a more than perfect moment?

olives for me dirty martini. can i be that spoiled that a simple garnish to a
priviledged cocktail can put a damper on my mood. well, i guess so, cuz once back home,
nothing felt more perfect than that first sip of dirty ketel flowing down my throat.

ahhh... sometimes, perfect just isn't quite so unless u define it so.

playing passed out all weekend long was fun tho...

simpsonized bfs

2007-07-18T15:09:00.001-04:00

2.5

2007-07-17T12:29:00.000-04:00

today marks the 2.5 anniversary of boyfriendship.

i would write something sappy and totally meaningful only to us but,
work has me swamped already, again, and as usual and besides, it'd be
better to do it in person...

love u buface

wbu

Rated

2007-07-16T17:26:00.000-04:00

Mingle² - Online Dating

inheritance

2007-07-11T17:19:00.000-04:00

unlike most, i didn't get any. instead, i got lousy genes and 3rd generation hand me down dysfunctional issues passed on to me.

imagine the surprise when you realize that not only are you actually your parent's child, but also, are living the exact same problems day in day out.

where's the sign-off sheet to this mess!?

guess in a brighter note, you KNOW how it all ends.

argh

why do hollywood moms grow their son's hair long?

2007-07-02T14:55:00.000-04:00

so that they can chop it off later and use it as their own hair-extensions...

boys's hair are far more durable than girls and when they finally cut it off, no one's the wiser to wonder why and just assume that it was about time to do so... as in will be the case of Elle Mcpherson. besides, children have the BEST natural looking highlights ever.

tralala

2007-05-09T16:54:00.000-04:00

i'm going to europe and will be feeling like this

it's the way she says it that makes it funny... to me

2007-04-27T18:10:00.000-04:00

the things i would do for a friend

2007-04-24T13:49:00.000-04:00

last weekend, saturday, we were supposed to have a birfday party for one of my lezbot ex' that was just coming back from Qatar. her deaf girlfriend was organizing this surprise party thingy but, naturally, what with her certain condition ensuing, plans were not going smoothly.

on the actual day of the party, at 5pm, we had not heard what was going to happen nor had anybody else about time, place etc etc... so we instead went ahead a made dinner plans for the sum of us, just to enjoy the beautiful day that it was with merry company. as you would have it, the party girl calls finally leaving this tone deaf message about what is happening when and what.

but we were over it by then and decided to meet up with her later, at a bar, to congratulate her with shots and drinks. what she didn't realize was that we were going to meet up with her way later than she had imagined, i suppose.

so when we finally make it, 4 hours later, she is leaving the bar, enraged as any drunk lesbian can be. IT. WAS. UGLY. she was shotting daggers to my poor friend who was unable to come up with any descent excuse, one that she had many of, and seeing that this poor girl was enduring the wrath of the drunk birfday lezbot a bit too much, i quickly went into "salvage friend mode"

i gave the birfday girl the diarrhea story.

i will let you deduce what it was about, too gross to go into it, but, it was so successful, we all ended up heading back to the bar, having shots, even getting a free round of drinks! from a lesbian bartender! that was a good time had after all.

ahyaa

2007-04-12T22:27:00.000-04:00

what do you call it when you inadvertedly say something politically incorrect in front of the very person that is the topic matter?

dumb.

plain and simple, dumb.

BUT, what is it when it happens subconsciously in a way that it doesn't register to anybody but to yourself immediately and to others in hindsight?

wicked dumb.

for a looong time i've been able to tread the 'i no speaka engrish good' and get away with alot due to my so-called flamboyantness, but, lately, even for me, i feel like i am pushing the limit.

am i frustrated? am i unhappy? am i repressed? i think that i'm just bitchy.

wicked and bitchy sometimes. hmmm... i think i just called myself 'old'

sighrumph!

does it even matter?

2007-04-10T18:22:00.000-04:00

as one of my most esteemed revered one put's it, "how do I say this delicately?" does it even matter how much i try anymore? does it even matter that i care? ponder? stride? aspire? challenge—when, a more than obvious safe, 'cute,' option is selected instead of any of my "enthusiastic" ones...

it reminds me of when a less than talented but oh so socially acceptable colleague was handpicked to join one of THE firms in NYC. Naturally, I and my excruciatingly talented best frenemy, wanted to drop out at the spot. I mean, this girl used China Red and Futura on every single page, with her opposing colours being black and white, NATURALLY, and with her layouts being obviously swedish, page after page. She didn't even cut, cross, turn or reverse type in any which way imaginable and yet, she, she was the one that was chosen over all of us.

Us.

Us who stayed up late nights perfecting the flow of text upon the page.
Us, who double hit with laser print on matte stock in reverse because what mattered was the message delivered in its content presented. Us, who lived, breathed, read, wrote, studied and believed in its purist aesthetic form that it was to be innate and not contrite... us... were the overlooked lot.

Of course, not 2 years in that firm, she married a nice jewish doctor and moved to Jersey to pursue her passion of bearing more japs and slighting us less fortunate from once in a life opportunities because, we, we, did not have the panash, pizazz, posh as she had like in those that didn't really have to struggle to amount to anything.

people don't like to see struggle. people don't like to see effort. people want to see that it is done easily. no one cares buddy. to care is to waste time.

why do i even care? because i don't know otherwise. i am trapped in my misguided belief that things matter, people care, a difference can be made

monday meltdown

2007-04-04T13:19:00.000-04:00

"Time goes by so slowly for those who wait and those who run seem to have all the fun." I just found out that this lyric from "Hungup" actually came from a duet with Prince, "Love Song" from back in 1989, on her "Like a Prayer" album.

completely discombobulated i found myself in a coffee shop dialing the number of my boif, who then lead me to work. ultimately frustrated at an outcome where i have no control over, the past 6 months came pouring down on me harder than anything i could have ever imagined. all of the sudden, the impact of loss became palpable and it felt like i was losing myself. i was grasping at anything familiar in the hopes of regaining control but it appeared that i was losing. the floor was moving in patterns, noise was all directed towards me, i couldn't make front from back, all i wanted to do was to hold onto anything that would lead me from losing it.

i went by the day in a daze. trying to finish up a simple job, like typing seemed like a monumental effort to do. i was going crazy and there wasn't anything i can do about it. so i drank. i drank a stiff martini before my meeting and it all went down as smooth as the drink down my throat did. i felt like i wasn't even there. but it was saved and when i was done, i crashed like never before.

i will beg for

2007-04-01T13:13:00.000-04:00

a printer that just prints when i ask it to print

a pair of jeans that will fit regardless of my bloat

a fair assessment of character before i open my mouth

that i don't have to explain meself to every degree possible

working out that makes a difference

synchronocity within the world around me

dividing point

2007-03-27T19:08:00.000-04:00

at what point do you decide?

i have it

2007-03-22T16:57:00.000-04:00

so? what's the big deal? she personally texted me telling me that it was going on sale today. i HAD to go get these.

:)

calm in the storm

2007-03-18T14:03:00.000-04:00

the server problem that was haunting me has now seemed to have gone out to client-side too. happy and elated, that i have a moments rest to breathe deep finally. what do i do? play catchup? make the most of it? not really. i should.

i was worried about a certain blogger recently. my usual daily readings consist of a handful who i like to keep abreast of from my anonymous comfortable cube. tuesday i went to his site, down, wednesday i go, offline... thursday, friday the same... and i am a bit worried because one of his last posts was about his ever struggle with depression. let this be known to all now. i didn't grow up in a society that took mental issues seriously until AFTER i left that country so, as usual, i missed the boat on my pity parade. argh!

anyways, depression has hit home in recent years. and not being aware of it nor have had anything to do with it, nor say, even try to fake have it... has left me never like before felt so powerless about this. i have no power in making someone feel better, at all. only recently did i realize the severity of it and it frightens me that some do not have the strength or capability to slap that bitch aside and live life fully.

it really really does surprise me. and that is just how it is going to be. so i keep my fingers crossed and actually pray to god that my beloved never tries to do anything stupid. getting A word out of him is always difficult and when i try to leap on to expand on it, i can see him shut right back down. and if you've never encountered this before, the harder you fight, the faster you'll get to a dead end. in this case, i never ever want to reach that dead end.

so i was wondering about this blogger, thinking the best fearing the worst. when last night i decided to go have a VERY WELL DESERVED DIRRRRTY MARTINI and who do i see? the blogger! working at that place! and OH MY GAWD! he seemed fine... but u never know what lies beneath. just putting that in, just in case.

so naturally i wanted to go up and be all like, HEY, how are you and whazup with ur site dude, nice ink man... when it hit me. he don't know me. and i realized, what is proper blogger to blogger protocol? it's like, i know so much about this person, cuz, he lays it out all there pretty thick. things you would never know unless almost intimate.

at what point, does knowing about someone, turn into knowing that someone?

good lord i sound like Carrie from SITC.

"I was sipping on a well-chilled very dry very dirty martini at this swanky porno art house showing when this dirty person asked me a very dirty question...."

^_^

see... this is what i do. i make myself laugh. hello? table of one?

wits end

2007-03-16T13:56:00.000-04:00

impossible deadlines

stupid clients

boring jobs

my ever expanding waistline

this weather!!! NO MORE COLDNESS!!!

and the top item to bring me to my wit's end is....

having to work on a weekend for the 6 month in a row!!!

ARuGulaHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

finding routine

2007-03-15T10:02:00.000-04:00

i know that some people can't find routine in their lives. something i used to loathe so much, now, comforts me. i like my routine happiness i find in my everyday self. how hard must it be to feel like you have a lead blanket covering you at all times. i've felt what being lethargic mildly feels but, never to the point of helplessness. there is no gray overcast on my day, there is no gaping hole, lingering defeatedness accompanying my being. when it is gray, it is beautifully dickenson to me and i imagine being lost in a forest with majestic landscape enveloping my senses with the winds and whistle of the trees. you know that commercial with the girl singing in ecstasy in the shower?... uhuh, that's me.

i really feel bad for these people because i cannot relate to them at all. and trying to, always amounts to a cast-aside brush off, which, nevertheless hurts. naturally i seek a solution and more and more realize that it is not me that should be seeking it. it needs to be seeked-out by the individual and i just have to live with it. it is hard to live with. i wonder if anybody notices?

the g-spot inside my ear canal

2007-03-12T12:42:00.000-04:00

"Wilson no mimi wa roba no mimi!, Wilson no mimi wa roba no mimi!"

cruel cruel sayings I had to endure while in Japan. This phrase roughly translates to the children's fairytale story of the King with the donkey ears. Except in the place of the word king, is my name.

No where else than in high school did one's difference in anatomy mark a significant source for ridicule. i thought i looked like everybody else. but then again, you think your parents are always right and life is fair, so, thank god for the cruel ways of high school to better prepare you for what is really coming to you in adulthood.

anyways, ever since i can remember, even before i was told that i had donkey ears. i've always have had this certain "spot" on my right ear. outter ear to be exact, that looks like i had a piercing on this spot once. but in fact, its just a hole. an open hole, like what a piercing would look like, that is directly linked to the inside of my head. for years when my parents said that air leaked out of my head. i honestly thought that that hole was where that was happening from. i even thought that people could hear a faint sssssss sound when near my open hole near my ear.

ever conscience because i thought that that was why i had really, like really, bad grades. my self-conscienceness surmounted new levels when i discovered through the grace of other people that i, in fact, had very large ears. protruding ears apparently.

now that i think about it, everything about me was more portruding than anybody else's...

anyways, none of that has to do with my secret g-spots when it comes to my ears.

its like i have a clit on and in my ear. when i saw paris hilton's sex tape where she was rubbing herself WHILE having a 10" dick going in and out of her, my first thought was not, "What a greedy girl", it was, "I do the same thing on my ear!" she rubbed her you know what in a tight circular motion with her finger and seemed to really get into it. the same is with my ear. it's like there is a direct nerve that connects from there to my release of dopamine neurons into my brain.

the same can be said with my ear canal. when i use an ear swab to clean my ears. i've always been told not to go inside your ear, but that would be missing the whole point to me. the sensation i get from rubbing the swab inside my canal is eye-rolling to the back of my head good. it's like i'm getting fucked in the ear... so to say

i've noticed that dogs like it too. and cats.... and their ears DO protrude!

so it's true!

i must have donkey ears.

because i LOVE it

2007-03-08T16:07:00.001-05:00

soothe time soothe time

2007-03-07T14:34:00.000-05:00

i hate the smell of pee. everytime i pee, i shudder. do all people fart while peeing? my glasses cloud-up when i pee and i see a steam wafting upward while doing so.

one of the best feelings in the world is always ruined for me because i cannot stand the smell of pee. to a man, there is NOTHING as soothing as a long drawn out strong stream of uninterrupted fresh pee.

it feels manly.

i also prefer man-peeing to woman-peeing. i like the point, aim and shoot to the eventual sound of pee puddle developing. from strong impact, to steady flow to last of the barrel (insert fart right around here or before) to last droplets and then last squeeze spurts. its all very lyrical to me.

woman-peeing sounds like a gush of water bursting out from something, somewhere, that JUST got released from a tiny narrow slit and who knows where its going, but whose impact is monumentally greater than man-pee. it never fails to remind me of the last scene in XMEN 2, where Jean Grey get's eaten up by an flood of water..

but i totally digress. the point is, my most soothing time of day is ruined by the smell of pee. by the smell of other's pee. so instead of focusing on it, i am either bending down hitting the flush button or lifting my other leg to push the flush button while peeing and i've finally come to realize why they have walls at urinals and stalls now.

next time i want to talk about my g-spot in my ear canal

intervention

2007-03-05T16:28:00.000-05:00

i was watching that show on A&E and it struck me, how tragic those people are that they just can't seem to see how awful and bad they're situation is. as tragic as it seemed, though, they seemed luckier to me than some of my dearest friends. they at least had the ability to abandon all conscience and go for broke without looking back. those are the lucky ones that seem to rely unflinchingly upon the support of those that are supposed to love them, hands down.

these people don't live in the everyday triviality of possibly doubting whether the love that is owed to them will be ripped away from them at any given moment. or maybe they already have experienced this, hence making them more desperate in their attempt of losing oneself. in any case, i sorta admire that ability to go for broke, so to say.

it is in that abandon that usually one finally gets what one wants. i need that sorta dedication to what i want to attain. i need to stop this half there halfass half hearted attempt at success.

it's either you want it or you don't.

drug addicts though are a lucky bunch, still. they have this excuse, viable excuse to being fuck ups. drugs ruin lives. no doubt about that. eventually in the course of one's lifetime of using, it will inevitably get the better of you. that's why they are so forgiven. everybody realizes that the more one is using the more that person is lost within themselves. this drugged up person cannot be accountable for themselves and every action taken is always leading to the wrong direction. because this person cannot possibly be making the mistakes that he/she is making. it's all the drugs fault. always seems to be so... although, personally, i think they want to fuck themselves up on purpose...

lucky them to get the support of others in the ultimate intervention.

how would you deal with a sane person who is in a bad situation and there is no way that you can opinionate at all because it is none of your business. where is the intervention on a 'functioning fucked up none drug situation?'

it just seems all unfair for those that live on the straight and narrow. you fuck up once and that's it. meanwhile fuck ups keep fucking up and are realized as needing help. it just doesn't make sense to me.

yeah and of course, the minimal amount of effort thrust forth to improve oneself from the abyss of loserdome is seen as saint-like. total BS.

total fucking BS.

today is the bad day

2007-03-03T12:34:00.000-05:00

it started out by not "getting it" to then "being sour grapes" to now "holding a grudge"...

i woke up looking forward to spending time with my baby diamonds until i saw the first text message i received. it was a cancellation of babysitting for my sis and her "just doesn't get it" husband. apparently, the issue of this stupid case has metastasized like a cancer and spilled over all into their and my weekend.

but OF COURSE, he doens't see it that way.

it's all our fault for not reading the minds of the people that we have no interaction with.

it's all our fault for wanting to create something fun, challenging witty and about our own skills, when we are the creative force of this design agency.

apparently, we were supposed to create an ad for them, that we are paying for, on their behalf, by their persuasion.

so, not only is this a probono job, it's a probono job being dictated on how it is supposed to look like and where we are paying for it for their cause.... hello?

Is it just me or is there something really really wrong with the picture!?!?!

oh, did i tell you that today is his birthday and that they were supposed to go out have a nice time and i was going to babysit and actually, really looking forward to it... but NOOOOOO, no one cares about the always happy gay uncle. who's always there for them. who's always putting himself aside for them. who's always risking losing everything for them....??? um, NO. instead, he is going to pout and ruin his birthday that his wife planned... SO MATURE

UGH! I can't even start to get into it. So now I'm at work on the fucking first beautiful saturday of the year and everybody is on pin's and needles...

he just doesn't get it

2007-03-01T12:34:00.000-05:00

sometimes, they say, that the person that doesn't get it at all, actually, does.

this i never heard, but, i believe because i feel that in time, i will one day learn from all my mistakes. i made this discovery while a very young 20 something yr old and to this day, i try very hard not to snap on making judgement calls. because of this tho, i became timid, shy, un-responsive, afraid, just to say, anything. i became afraid of what my voice sounded and developed strange phobias pertaining to this.

i would tape my voice and play it back, cringe in horror of the sound within it.

i would stutter more, because in weakness, would let my disability take over and try to be quiet, ending drawing more attention than anticipated.

to this day, phone conversations are a major source of anxiety, even just to order pizza.

i simply cannot talk anything but loud now... or else, what i want to say, won't or can't be said.

i totally missed out on all the benefits there could have been for being trilingual and such... that list goes on and on

but that was then and this is now. no longer afraid to say what i should have said a long time ago and all along... i find myself getting rid of unnecessary behavior with the quip of the wit. shedding some hanger-ons was probably the most necessary thing i needed to do. putting some people at their place was something i should have done long ago.

i once was a gallant, proud young man, who through the years, was becoming content with just being a shell of myself. pining to become somebody else through any means imaginable, i slowly started losing myself without realizing it. through death and chances taken, with every little step i make towards my true nature, floods in realizations of how it once was and how gooooood it felt.

but now it all seems like it's turned inside out and i feel that instead of it being all upon you, that, maybe ultimately, it's on me. that yes what was said/spewed/thrust upon is right, and ultimately to me, it's about being right and good. but, it seems to me that it's just not right now. not then, not now, not even in a while. the stretch of the thought that my mind wonders so simultaneously when trying to analyze reaches a far reach of non-grasp theory that in explaining myself, i lost my thoughts before i ever begin.

and so then my fear of those words, that thought, that hint reverberates constantly in the back of my mind, those voices in my head, that what i feel i hear all of them saying about me...

is that, he just doesn't get it

they gave us a giant chocolate CRUNCH chocolate bar

2007-02-28T14:04:00.000-05:00

and i ate the whole thing... i feel sick.

someone help

binge

2007-02-27T17:26:00.000-05:00

how in the world do they come up with a situation for everything. apparently, the fatties need a cause too and now i have been deemed a closeted binge eater. not so much a fatty myself, but, i do get this insane craving to shove my mouth with morsels after morsel of food.

some people like dick, some like ass, i like food. i attack it with the same fervor a total bottom would go after a big fat uncut cock. only the truly addicted can appreciate my comments.

there is nothing like a big fat dripping and oozing with the strong smell of italian sausage, cheese and pepperoni pizza with tons and tons of cracked pepper on it where my first mouthful of it cannot top other pleasures.

i was once told that i flirt with my food. funny because i've always been called a cock tease from the get-go of my gayhood. together with my boif, we tackle restaurants from near and far. so far, my fav is definitely italian food together. with my lesbo friend, it's steak, my sister, anything asian but with myself, the true beast from within emerges.

simply, all foods. i can appreciate the corner hotdog stand, the 711 hotdog and the hebrew national beef frank from safeway, equally, together and separately. to each they have their own distinct personality that dictates it's condiment specifically.

i dare not go into the detailed intricacies of ratios between mustards/hots/jalapenos and relish i put unto each one. instead, i am going to go out right now and get a hotdog.

see... this is the constant battle of a closeted binge eater, apparently.

right about now, i become weak. so, what i do is hurriedly apply the equivalent of methadone to my need.

porn...

unfortunately, looking at porn at work as a means to curtails one's hunger and food mismanagement issues does NOT bode well at all. so unfair! everyfuckingbody in the world has some sort of means to assist them in their whatever pansy issues they have. yet, for me, it's just, grin and bear it.

whoever said that life is like a box full of chocolate needs to get shot right about now....

grrrrr

there is this guy

2007-02-26T14:13:00.000-05:00

that every time i am near him, he smells like dried up squid. it's SO disturbing because i try not to look his way, but, i can literally, smell him coming my way even though i have the fan blowing wind away from me.

i don't know how address this, and i am awkward around him. i think he tends to think that in some way i am intimidated, i.e. attracted to him, but, that isn't quite the case, AT ALL.

i'm more bothered by the wafting squid smell emanating from where i believe to be his netherparts region and against all willpower i possess, my eyes cannot seem to not look down where the putrid smells comes fromth.

i then think thoughts of crusty crotch, unkempt groom areas with days old toilet paper stuck here and there... and i gag. i know that alot of guys on tv/internet like to keep it clean and trimmed, but, i also know that the standard straight male is like the amazon down there. one word, GROSSNESS!

i like to keep my balls shaved and my pubes trimmed. they hang better.

this reminds me of the many times i trimmed whatever many tricks pubicbushregion i hooked up during my crazy single days. now that i think about it, i can't believe they actually let me do it...

i used to be.... ballsy... LOL

RATS RATS RATS!!!!

2007-02-23T14:26:00.000-05:00

http://www.wnbc.com/news/11089614/detail.html?dl=mainclick

this isn't fucking funny man!

I was at HERITAGE of INDIA with my boif, a supposed BEST place to eat Indian Food in DC on upper Wisconsin, Georgetown... an all chee-chee-foo-foo place where the clientele talk about secret service this and dick cheney that and i was NOT amused to see a rodent the size of an opossum lurking underneath the table that was directly in front of us where not 2 minutes before sat a group of 8 yuppies.

honestly, I gasped, gagged and then almost had to swallow what I had JUST eaten.

Even without my bifocal glasses I was able to see the whiskers of this thing, the rings of it's tail, the shine in it's eye, the twitch of it's nose, even the scratching of the floor with it's paw, the hair pattern of that miserable specimens unit... if i even think about seeing fleas jumping out of it's fur, i think i would have screamed louder than a virgin giving birth... OH MY GAWD

i didn't think i was petrified of rats BUT, to see one inside of a restaurant on the 4rth flr, within my dining surroundings where not a couple spoonfuls of indian food before, the room was FILLED to maximum cap, makes me shudder in total disgust.

what makes it even worse was the blase nonchalance of the waitstaff. stupid me to take them under consideration and not make a spectacle of a scene. notifying the waitstaff never does anybody good, now i know this. i shoulda gone straight to the top. i am NEVER going back there ever again. we didn't even get our meals comped!

i still get chills thinking about this! must think of happy things (insert male nudes here, always works... or just look below)

is this real?

2007-02-22T22:22:00.000-05:00

now i betcha i'll get SOME more comments for once!

sheesh

euro retro discoterra

2007-02-21T14:58:00.000-05:00

talking to Jake of now defunct Alcian Bluek but of current Screen Vinyl Image and talking about the music here, http://www.viva-radio.com/, I described it as 'euro retro discoterra'.

i loved how that sounded and thought that so many times, while im'ing n stuff, i think that i come up with pretty clever catching phrases. of course, my first course of thought was to immediately plaster it on a t-shirt or something. dunno what this need to showcase how 'intelligent, creative, catchy' is all about.

guess we all crave recognition whatever way we can get it.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

i was at a party last saturday and it amazed me how my gen. of gays are all but have banished from the lack of a scene to gather around in. this party made my boif feel old and he barely has cracked the 30 meter of manhood. he's got plenty more years before he sees the tip of mt. 40 over the hill ahead.

the next gen of gays, the young-uns, are so cute. gone are the steroid pumping gym bunnies who tend to clique with like-bodied clones and residing instead were these really just average but OH SO GODDAMN CUTE natural joe types.

since my hard pAArtying ways, i've progressed quite some bit and finally, after a couple of years, have kicked the habit of activating my gay-clone card whenever i head out for what i thought was fun.

it was good times being had by all. the problem, or lack of really, was that my gaydar was off the chart. at one point, in a roomful of gays, i asked if "anybody was gay here?"

it is somewhat wonderful to be around people and not have to be self conscience because, they don't operate in that out of date mode.

viva la nueva generacion!

Feb. 20

2007-02-20T09:23:00.000-05:00

this past weekend was a bit of a funk, naturally. knowing that in the back of my mind concealed was the fact that today was going to be a bittersweet day for me. it wasn't meant to end that way, but, end it did and nothing will ever be the same.

i find myself angrier about things that cannot be changed anymore. seeking solace in the knowledge of understanding that i may have not mattered quite enough to make what was wrong right, of course, does not help. yet, it's the only way i seem to be able to know how to handle this. being angry is just the right amount of emotion i can allow myself to feel, for the time being.

i wish i can change the past but accepting the present is just as good as it can get for me. i really really wish life were simpler. when the sun was out and the sky was blue and that's all i cared for.

even though i was never number one to him, he is to me. i hope he understands that by my spewing out/lashing out this way is in fact remembering him. i'd rather stay real with how i remember him that have a glossed out hollywood happy ending moronic what once was a memory of him.

i'm alone in this one and it is going to stay so. maybe someday they'll understand just how it was.

hatred

2007-02-15T17:29:00.000-05:00

urrrr... today was a bad day a-starting

walking down M St., not a single cab stops for me, even worse, lets me cross while I have the right-of-way. cold water splatters on me as he drives past... HATRED!

wind blowing so cold, i heard that it was warmer than the night before, i dressed lighter than usual... HATRED!

unable to use my gmail account as a valid email login option... HATRED!

having to deal with a drug addict constantly taking advantage of your once best friend status, i am burned again time and time again... HATRED!

uncalled for discrimination, unwarranted blame, uncouth behavior recipient... HATRED!

my reaction to all this HATRED! was surprising even to me. why, how? me!? one of the most passive, non-confrontational, animal loving fun-loving happy go lucky... why am I filled with so much HATRED!

oh, let me show you why. it's this moronic person's fault.

how? how? how? how are we supposed to stand this fuckwads comments?
in case for some god forsaken miracle you live underneath a lot of snow/rock/debris of massive global warm induced destruction and haven't heard lately, this one person's personal tirade about us gay people is beyond belief. totaly above and beyond, belief!

HATRED!

Addemdum: his name is Tim Hardaway

…again

2007-02-13T18:11:00.000-05:00

I don't feel as shocked as Diana's death but I feel something nonetheless. With Diana I felt responsible for my constant craving of wanting to know what she was doing when and where and what she looked like with what she was wearing and who she was with at which event.

This time I feel somehow somewhat in someway actually kinda sorta partially responsible. I was curious as to where this train wreck was headed to. I mean, come on, she was going to go down one way or another. Ignoring her glassed out vacant gaze from a shell of what once was a backwards' happy go lucky hick, I noticed something was deathly wrong only when I saw her more than jaundiced skin tone when compared to that of her newborn daughter...oh poor Anna

and yet no one did anything or could have done anything

sigh

apparently...

2007-02-09T15:06:00.000-05:00

Your Birthdate: September 28

You have a Type A personality so big it makes other Type A's shrink away in shame.
You never shy away from adversity - and you love to tackle impossible problems.
Failure is not an option for you, and more than a few people are put off by your ego.
You tend to be controlling, and you hate leaving anything up to chance.

Your strength: Your bold approach to life

Your weakness: You don't accept help

Your power color: Bronze

Your power symbol: Pyramid

Your power month: October

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Your Power Position: Bottom

NOOOOO!!!!

I keed I keed... I added that last one

i can't keep up

2007-02-08T16:17:00.000-05:00

technology has taken over my mind as well. i feel when i program myself to feel.

i was blogging, chatting, emailing, im'ing, texting, surfing, on the phone and having a conversation with my colleague about Global Warming when all of the sudden i hear this loud GASP! from inside of me.

Anna Nicole Smith pronounced DEAD.

I don't know if I was shocked about it, or shocked that it actually happened or shocked that i was shocked. i don't wish death on anybody no matter what... even my horrendous absolute tragic excuse of a past ex, but still, the poor baby girl that has that paternity suit going right when her mother drops dead.

It's like America's version of poor Christina baby, the girl who's mom was a TOTAL wreck heiress to the Onasis fortune, except without the money... class... just scandal. PURE scandal laden life.

WOW

i just can't keep up with all this anymore... i need a break, in more ways than one.

post

and omg, everybody is like talking about it... TRIMSPA killed her!

check list

2007-02-06T16:15:00.000-05:00

the moment i wake up....

the 3 sh'z in the morning

before i leave...

wallet

keys

cellphone

sunglasses

ipod

glasses

ID

watch

hat

scarf.. since it's bone fucking cold now

gym bag necessities:

sneakers

socks

t shirt

shorts

spare undies

spare tire around my waist

before i head out, final check

nose hair

ear hair

neck hair

lip balm

clean teeth

tucked shirt

tucked, period

matching shoes

no straying eyebrow

even sideburns

general hair appearance

over all once over, would i fuck myself?

if YES, leave, if NO, start all over

.... i long for simplicity

specs

2007-02-05T14:36:00.000-05:00

not that aging is really that bad but, losing my eyesight was an unexpected one.

i always thought that i had perfect 20/20 vision, hence my good taste in men over the years. but, turns out that not only am i blind, i have a stigmatism too. do you mean that everything does not have a halo-ish glow surrounding it?

...i thought that it was my omni present holiness shining threw all this time.

oi, but being able to see 'correctively' is not quite what it is all made out to be. like, i didn't need to see all the pores of your face. nor, did i want to know that my ears were actually hairy...ish. EW and by god... all that squinting around HAS taken a toll around stuff... damn

now i look like a wide-eyed geek, with the help of my specs. i am a wide eyed spectacled spic.

and those damn things are so hard to keep clean! i swear i don't touch my lenses but they always seem to get finger prints on them. how do people do it?

effing friday morning

2007-02-02T10:20:00.000-05:00

this morning did not start well AT ALL... after a night filled with erotic nightmares, i was...

trimming my sideburns, i sneezed and accidentally created a bald spot on my lower temple, 3 inches wide.

i dropped the deodorant, where it shatters into pieces. Not having another one, I pick up the pieces and rub. sad

i left my cellphone home

i left my coffee i lovingly prepared with coffee liquor, home

arriving to work, all they have left are raisin bagels. i hate raisin bagels. they feel like boogers in my mouth. i've outgrown picking my nose and eating it's contents

the orange juice dispensor dispensed orange syrup instead

and now i went to Starbucks to get my coffee and it tastes burnt... i hate that burnt tastes in drinks and inhalants...

10 Reasons Why Boston Sucks-ASS

2007-02-01T14:57:00.000-05:00

10. Having lost the World Series 86 years in a row

9. "Boston Market" junkfood retail chain name association

8. post-Shelley Long Cheers

7. Boston, "the" band

6. Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch

5. Dubbed as Beantown once is bad enough, or better yet "The Hub"

4. The non-rhoticity and broad A, nasal short-a, Boston accent.

3. Calling a convenience store a "spa"

2. Ben Affleck

and the No. 1 reason why Boston sucks-ASS so much...

1. Mistaking guerilla advertising for terrorism.

It doesn't say "Dumb Americans" any more to the world than that!

too busy, yet eating well

2007-01-31T13:59:00.000-05:00

even for myself... i find reprieve from my grueling schedule of giving birth to creative babies and catchy yet all knowing one-liners day in day out, as I said, I find reprieve in my concocted lunch extravaganza of Annie Chun's disposable Udon Noodle luncheons.

Near my office is a TJ, Trader's Joe. The poor mans' Whole Foods. It not really is the place to go grocery shopping just cuz it really doesn't have everything you would want a supermarket to have. Best thing is that it doesn't have almost any junk food... well, almost. Just enough to help me meet my afternoon sugar/salt/spice-rush run. I also like it cuz it is INTERNATIONALLY inclined more so than others. Being one of a mutt of this globe, I find it comforting that I'm not the only one that likes his sushi with Ovaltine.

Along the soup aisles, is where this magnificent item rests. Annie Chun Udon Noodles. I love Udon Noodles. Thick, white, long...um, noodles in a soy and fish stock-based broth, in an environmentally conscience package. Just by itself, it is ok. But, I and only I have made a major discovery on how to improve this so-so item to an "OH SO GOOO!" item.

Combining TJ's many array of organic frozen goods, I can now turn a regular Udon Noodle soup to a bowlful of steaming delicious fresh veggies,meats and or dumplings. In a cold cold bitter windy day here in DC, this is next best to actually going out for Pho.

low-fat, low-cost, low-maintenance. Now that's a man's man kind of food.

that kid's a natural

2007-01-26T10:42:00.000-05:00

I loved "Calvin and Hobbes" through in through out. I still pick it up and LOL. It's funny and nostalgic of good times when I was a kid.

Madonna's kid Rocco reminds me of Calvin. They should make a movie out of it and star him in it, hell, the entire family actually. Madges would be an awesome "Mom Lady" that get's spoofed as a T-Rex dinosaur.

Here he is totally hamming it up

stealing all the attention from Madonna, now THAT is a feat

love it! She's all like "Rocco! Stop stealing my spotlight! Do you know who I am?" with her hand to the side and all! LOL

OI and Guy Ritchie... Lord she really is one lucky woman

not that I'm obsessed or anything...

dunce

2007-01-25T12:42:00.000-05:00

sigh... so i have a little bit of time to write now.... and i'm VERY depressed at the moment.

see, my job here had been a struggle for a while, especially in the beginning.

in the beginning, i didn't take my job much too seriously at all and there
were times when i showed up a mess. the last straw was when i showed up 3 hours late to work sporting a red mohawk, dropping the ball on a very important very large project.

i was put on professional detention and was given 3 factors that needed desperate attention to my developing corporate culture needs. as hokey as this may sound, it was imperative to my need to developing maturity and after disputing one of 3, i dove head-on to this "program". i think now that this is what rehab must be like.

it was very hard and strict and i graduated with flying colors. not an easy achievement ever accomplished by anybody put on this program before, apparently.

time goes by and as my job performance improves, so does my freelance career flourish. personal hardships aside, i always maintained a high level of professionalism and the fruits of my hard labor can be seen. my relationship with everybody from boyfriend, family to work has improved tremendously and i attribute this to the people of this department that gave me the chance to improve myself and help me grow. though, always on my mind is the shame that i was in need of help while here and that any slip-up was inexcusable.

i've gone beyond that trite feeling now and actually commend myself for thriving in such a dynamic situation i have going. excelling in my relationship, job, freelance work and my sister's company.

well, all that ended today. as i was out having coffee reading up on materials to catchup on for work, i somehow had missed a very important meeting here at work. this meeting was for a handful of selected individuals that would emerge as the next leaders for this department. to be chosen in itself says volumes to me and about me to my managers, i in short, was very much so looking forward to this new venture here and how this can help me in life.

it comes down to not accepting an 'update' to a meeting that was moved from 4pm to 10am.

i've already apologized and will have my missed meeting rescheduled where i will have the opportunity to catch-up to my fellow candidates. but, the damage has been done, the attention is now drawn upon me. where first impressions are everything in a world quick to sum-up personalities, capabilities and qualifications, i have managed to blunder the blunder of all time.

i am the loser of the year and it's only January.

i hope you're having a better day

bwahahaha

2007-01-23T15:58:00.000-05:00

now Cheney wants to run for presidency, saying that if it weren't for him, that

"Nothing would get done in the White House."

He's tired, tired of Bush's dumb ass. And if he isn't tired, he's sick, sick of how Bushidiot is unable to grasp the concept of what it takes to comprehend the magnitude of damage that dumbass is doing by just not caring. EVEN Cheney is fed up with his spoiled rich brat's face.

Just shows to tell, that AFTER ALL, the people, the world, the masses, everyfreakingbody was ALWAYS right about how they perceived this idiot. Sad sad sad... SAD.

um, to this other dumbass who thought of "charging" $300 million on a card? This is the face of being rejected and having 'your' card narrowly destroyed after tooting your superior ass to no end. Who the fucks charges 20+ helicopters? Is he for realz

I hope Cheney elects Dan Quayle as his running mate to just make a point of how dumb Bush really is.

things I hate most, today

2007-01-22T17:47:00.000-05:00

getting into an argument over the phone at work, unable to raise one's voice to cuss...and then accidentally calling the person back immediately when you actually intended on calling somebody else to bitch. UGH!

receiving prank/solicit/wrong phone calls at work

getting highly improbable completely far-fetched spam that ponders one to think whether anybody can really be that stupid to reply to such spam...or really wonder if they have a long-lost relative from, say, Nigeria

flippant sounding telemarketers

waiting all day to get a reply for an email only to be told at the EOD that I'll get my reply the next day

people who blog/web-surf/gossip/lollygag loudly during any moment of the day and have the audacity to question my work productivity

that "I know it all" way of replying

people who always have to play devil's advocate

being in the bathroom with someone who likes to make idle chatter while I'm BUSY

aspiring cliques in my department

DesCription

2007-01-18T15:33:00.000-05:00

This city is so difficult to comprehend... too many literary snobs, too many ivy-leaguers, just too much brainsmarti(ass)ness surrounding my street punkness per block capita.

I keep having to remind myself, I am not dumb, I am not dumb. But boy, all it takes is one false step and you are deemed beyond incompetent... mission statement is as follows:

racial profiling in cigarette smoking addressed to grantees that provide the leadership training for developing community leaders in assisting them with the cessation for the six specific demographic populations with a culturally tailored message to each in one collateral piece.

It's like I'm listening to John Kerry pitch his presidential candidacy when all I recall were the conflicting statistics of various researches where I was trying to tally up the numbers to put his message into perspective. This town should come with a note warning residents to read up or shut up.

Whatever happened to pretty pictures, pretty logos, NEAT ideas? I find myself more and more developing ideas for the pseudo goody-two-shoes.

Moneys put aside to deliver goods for ideas generated directly contradict where the money is coming from. My first mistake was pointing the pink elephant in that meeting, "we don't talk about that here"

Excuse me while I spurt blood convulsing my brain around that mind twister. I seriously feel myself going cross-eyed sometimes trying to comprehend what exactly needs to be accomplished.

So...as I contemplate nature, the nature of the world and the nature of all these jobs I have to sell my artsy fartsy soul to, I keep a level mind and remember that you are only as good as, in this case, my next piece.

Happy 2nd!

2007-01-17T21:04:00.000-05:00

Number 2 is my favorite number at the moment. Not because I am regular, or second best, or always second to last, but, it's because today is my boif's and my anniversary. I've been thru many many relationships. Most I'd do again, only one will I ever categorize as my most desperately saddest triflest time ever. At it for all the wrong reasons, blinding oneself with every medium imaginable, I was squatting at a buddy's sofa applying for jobs while keeping my chin up believing that there would be better for me. It was a page in my history straight out of the diary of Anne Frank tragic, my only solace was in my determination not to succumb to apathy, hatred nor self mutilation.

Many moons later and hard times as well, I finally have arrived at a place where everything counts and my most matters. It wasn't easy to arrive here but now that I am, I'm wide awake and in awe of what it all means. Everyday, everything, everybody is a struggle, as life should and will be. But, this time, it's a willing one to overcome. I owe him alot for all this.

Love you bu, u DNP

xoxo

FHM

DNP & FHM

2007-01-12T11:41:00.000-05:00

dirty nasty pig and fat hairy monkey

our new nicknames, which, interestingly enough, come from love.

go figure

effing gays

back in the days

2007-01-10T16:36:00.000-05:00

when stuff was totally dope, late 60's early 70s. i fell IN LOVE with movie posters, the scene, the stuff of back then, even though i was only like 3 at the time. to this day i want to recreate that high-gloss retro futuristic look like Space Odyssey, Planet Ape's etc... I remember seeing something in this book/music store called Atomic bookstore in B'more that had this souped up painting that looked like the Terminator met Tron, in a city-photograph airbrush detailed way with electric colors angling here and there. It was dope and it wasn't for sale, argh.

This poster totally turns me on, even tho' it's a Tarantino project, and it's a bit too glossed over at parts here and there for me. Love the rawness, now vintagesque typography. We need to see this kind of stuff come back.

This is what I'm going for this year.

Mo'ron

2007-01-09T17:53:00.000-05:00

totally moronic...battling the flu, winning some days, losing most nights. I'm sleeping like a dog bitten with fleas, tossing and turning, over and over all night, and yet I cannot get myself to skip the gym. Just bought myself some new gym gear and liking what I see, I feel amped to work out and get this rock shining better than ever. But I can't do that cuz of this stupid flu that I keep inviting back with every half hour I spend, wet from the gym in the cold DC wind. stupid stupid Mo'ron!

Angst, resigned...going home to 'yawn' re-coup. Being good is so boring. Being neurotic manic and obsessive feels so good. Wonder why?

smelly 'mo

2007-01-08T08:45:00.000-05:00

This morning, getting back to my ritual of the norm, I was particularly proud of myself for keeping my NYRs. I'm not smoking, not shelling out money on coffee every other hour and not drinking myself to oblivion 3 days a week—I am actually pretty bored with myself tho'.... it's all in the master plan.

I'm sipping on my office supplied java when my fav neurotic but oh-so-efficient colleague from across the cube IMs me that the new guy across and in between both of us just laid an egg. The instant I read fart I blurted out "EW" unaware that it hadn't migrated over to my section. Naturally, the allegeded fart-emittor, paranoid an all hurriedly asked me what I spazed out on. I IMed, "Smeller Dweller" to my colleague and quietly ignored the fart-emittor's nervous giggle when the stench of a SBD immigrated over like my people to my cube.

That was when it was like shit had hit a fan. All of the sudden the complete aisle was permeated with what smelled like really bad diarrhea spilling out unto someone's unwashed undies, but rotten. Amidst squeals and gags, I pulled out my "room atomizer" and not once, not twice, but 3 times spritzed the area surrounding me and threw an accusatory glance at the alleged fart-emittor. Wouldn't you know it, he was just polishing off a hard-boiled egg that very moment. Saying that he was on a diet.

hrmph

Lucky him to have had an egg to eat just when we thought he had laid one. Were eggs always that smelly? Now I know why that kid in gradeschool/junior/highschool got ridiculed every time he brought an egg for lunch. What a dork, what a moron, what a...

-----------------
wk 1, 1 sb, 1 lunch
3 x g
51 more wks to go
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wiley e. 'mo

2007-01-05T17:24:00.000-05:00

Wiley the coyote was one of my all-time favorites of charaters in Looney Tunes when I was growing up. I loved that he parodied himself in calling himself genius. Many times I do this and laugh at how ridiculous I sound but, I do it because I expect everybody to get the joke. Even if they haven't met me or seen Looney Tunes before. "You gotta get it", or you're an idiot, a-la Paul Lynde.

And, this is why I love my boif. He's got it, get's it and does it well.

Watching some toons on my 'puter during my morning ritual of lollygagging, checking YOUR site ;>, and writing emails, I came upon the word hassenpfeffer. I LAUGHED out loud and decided to prank call my boif and demanded some hassenpfeffer from him. Without missing a beat, he goes "COOK!, COOK! Where'z my HASSENPFEFFER!!!"

It made my day!

40 year old 'mo

2007-01-03T11:13:00.000-05:00

party invite i did...fun

'mo to continue

2007-01-02T09:33:00.000-05:00

There is another homo in the family.

All I can say is "I knew it!" I knew that I wasn't alone and I knew it from the first time I laid eyes on my decade younger cousin when he was only 5, that he would be a 'mo some day.

I was back home in Los Angeles visiting the hyper conservative latin version of w. virginians' family doing my rounds over xmas when I came face to face with my cousin whom I've never had a good relationship with. Ever since I can remember, he was always a dick(bitch) to me. Nasty to be exact. And because of his imminent youth, I pardoned his bratty demeanor time and time again. It was a nightmare in the end. I had a major falling out/spaz moment where I was dragging him by the collar out of my space because it was the least I can do before I mauled him to death.

I was such an angry explosive kid and in the closet, obviously, then.

Well, 20 years later, no kidding, 20 years later, face to face and things are civil and what do I see? Some very gayish behaviour from my little cousin D. First I thought I was being paranoid. Then I thought I was being made fun of. But when he commented on my cologne taste that he liked (Molton Brown discontinued in US only available in UK thru internet purchase mind you), I suspected that I had another homo in the house.

But it still took me a couple of days to ask him if he was family, even tho' he was dropping obvious hint left and right. Like, if I was a potatoe queen. Checking out my friend Scott, or when he suggested going out with me and my buddies back home in DC, all-the-way. Admittedly, this one confused me a bit. I wasn't sure if he wanted to go all the way with my party friends or all the way with me and my friends... did I say my family was a latin version of west virginia, yes, my uncle and aunt are first cousins and they are his parents. Apparently that wasn't so uncommon in latin america back a couple of generations ago, but, that's another story...

Anywayz, long story short, he came out to me and we proceeded to celebrate by getting plastered drunk. This is just so cool because my mom and her brother, his dad and my uncle, are probably one of the most close-minded conservative old fashioned people ever will there be. To this day, even after Ellen, Will&Grace, Rosie, Matt Foley, Oprah and Dick Cheney's gay daughter, they continue to choose to live under a rock. That is a whole other chapter to discuss...

Happy New Gay!

What an awesome way to start the year. I leave you with an adorable pic of me of waaaaay back when.

2006-12-15T10:01:00.000-05:00

Baby Alive - www.JWCantrell.com/babyalive.html

One Lucky Baby 'Mo

one lucky baby 'Mo

2006-12-15T09:16:00.000-05:00

I wasn't going to come here again. I wasn't going to write ever again. It just had become so trite and life is too serious to just to put it out there. Time and again I felt like I was missing out on my daily outpour of mindless glub, but, still, it was important to me and it always left me feeling good. Seems like the words came out of me and the act itself was more natural than not. Until today...

I was upstairs at the employees lounge area, getting my morning freebies of bagels/fruit/coffee/juice, a company entitlement to those who slave the daily grind and was pointed out to me that there was one little leaf of hope on the wall of the giving tree. This wall, adorned with leaflets of greensheets with many a child's dream of receiving something from St. Nicholas, is a yearly event sponsored by the company I work for.

I felt bad for this lonesome leaf. I felt like no one liked it for one reason or another. I felt like it represented every little kid that felt slighted just because and not understanding why, like me, many many times then, and now. So without hesitation I snatched it off the wall and decided then and there that I would get this whoever a little whatever for Christmas. And that's when this whole slew of a mess commenced...

Apparently, I have to get it by today, which didn't really impose a problem at all. I figured since I just had gotten paid, a little charitable contribution to a little less-fortunate tyke is exactly what I needed to do to scrub the scrooge out of my system. What I wasn't prepared for was, buying a little girls toy for a little orphan gay boy. What are the chances of that!

First of all I had to look up the gift and when I found out that it was a little baby girl doll in diapers that you could feed/burp/clean-up and nurse like a real baby with the packaging that was too girlie for words, my first thought was "He's a little faggot boy!" Awwww...the love I felt for this stranger was instantaneous. And I love that he wants the Latin Girl version of that doll too! He already appreciates the Latin beauty. Now I MUST get him his gift.

What are the chances of this?

Gay Santa for gay kids!

not me

2006-10-27T10:29:00.000-04:00

some time ago, while dying, he told me that he wanted me to have his things. there were many, for he was an accomplished man who had accumulated many things over the course of his relative short life. there was a collection of vintage, rare to find, used and unused stamps from all over the world. a vast collection of antique coins, rings, stones, gems and his prized watches.

for as long as i can remember, i've always been given hand-me-down watches. most times these watches didn't suit me for they were too serious for my taste. other times, the make of the wrist band would get my wrist, hair caught in it, as a child, it was a source of embarrassement and pain. and frankly speaking, i used to hate receiving these hand-me-downs because i didn't understand the concept of receiving something that was already appreciated by another. i guess expecting a child freshly ripped away from his family to understand anything but abandonment was a stretch to begin with.

many years and worn watches gone by, as time was nearing his end—he again, expressed that he wanted me to have his things. i always felt embarrassed why this had to be done in the absence of her presence. embarrassed because i knew that he was going behind her back, because i knew that he knew that i wouldn't be able to go against what she would ultimately do.

although i tried to collect what was duly mine-to-be. it was pawned off to a relative for a hefty sum. even though, we had all expressed what was meant to happen, what should have been done, and what his final wishes were. she was left with everything she can ever need, including everything that was mine. after hearing about what she did from my sister via email, i just chucked it down as weird selfish behaviour that had nothing to do with me.

nothing to do with me.

the roundabout

2006-10-17T16:23:00.000-04:00

nothing in life is worse than the roundabout situation. not getting to the point, getting in the way of an inevitable end, procrastinating what is meant to be. it is interesting to me to experience this in various ways, mediums, both high and low. i have to call, i have to write, i have to say what i want to say, but, it is really worth even going there?

sugarcoaty voices in tender pitches, if so, then no, it isn't worth going there at all. i have to stop this all or nothingness aspect of being. why not embrace ambiguous vague let's see where this is going to go matter of fact life. it was so strenuous to be in an all or nothing lifestyle, i forgot to recognize coincidences. but there are no coincidences in life...uh uh no sireree

you just choose to see it in a roundabout way

another thing that is getting me bummed out this year.... one by one, all my friends are turning into 30 year olds. i'm down to my last pre-30 year old crazy buddy. one of my last that i really have, miraculously enough, deep conversations with. sometimes when i talk to these young'uns, i feel like i really am exchanging life materials. the jaded cynical approach to life of these too old for their own good young'uns, who've seen, done, had it all and yet, still cannot find what it is that they want so, would just do with what is handed to them, because, what is handed to them, it ain't all that bad. given that it's more that what most have to begin with, so, why really care when, in the end, what really matters is wham bam thank you mam.

i'm feeling a moment of caring that requires me not to care at all

it is in the air

2006-10-13T10:05:00.000-04:00

TO ALL, I STAKE MY CLAIM IN ANNOUNCING WHAT IS TO COME

IMPENDING DOOM

IT IS AWAITING ALL, IMPENDING DOOM

CLOSE YOUR DOORS, SEAL YOUR WINDOWS SHUT, COVER YOUR EYES

REPENT! NOW MORE THAN EVER IT IS TIME TO REPENT!

EMBRACE

LAUGH YOU WILL, CRY YOU SHALL, LOST IT WILL BE

FOR NO AMOUNT OF SEARCH WILL YIELD WHAT IS THEN GONE

LET IT BE ON RECORD

CALL IT WHAT YOU MAY

IT IS IN THE AIR, IN YOUR SUBCONSCIENCE

YOU HAVE ALREADY BEEN CLAIMED

THE CHOICE IS BEING MADE

DO NOT SHY AWAY

REPENT FOR YOUR SAKE

FOR THE SAKE OF THOSE TO COME AFTER YOU

off-season love affair

2006-10-11T16:56:00.000-04:00

walking down M street,
wandering in the crowded streets of mourning workachoholics
i see these 2 fellas hanging out on the corner
of conneticut and 8am

i feel the autumn wind drive through me a brisk
shiver of the coming weather
it is comforting to see the season of hot tempers
finally coming to an end

there was something familiar in the way these
2 kept glancing at each other,
like wanting to steal a kiss amongst a crowd of
strangers in light too early for sunshine

an off season love affair coming my way,
i see their arrows piercing through each other
deep inside, springing to life,
an off season love affair knows no ryhme

just wanting to call one another other,
you're mine
we all long for a year long off-season love affair,
yeaaaaah yeah yeah

not over yet

2006-10-06T10:20:00.000-04:00

this year cannot be the worse year ever. it's my thinking that it has to do with GWB. I blame all on gwb—moniker non-important enough to care to move my pinkie to capitalize it's name. and applying 'it' to said mongrel is apt enough to claim reference. going back to why this year is bad will not negate all that has happened, and in stating this year's past, invokes in me a fear of karmaic gamblings with today's ramblings. that said, i cannot stand 'woe are me, self-pityers.'

everybody goes through shit, daily. like for instance, take my buddy Ladeedah. He has had a year from hell. A relationship just shy of a WWF death match, a newly moved into apt. infested with cockroaches where after finding a new place and moving twice in a week, get's transferred out of town for his job.

then there's my other friend Dummy-Samaritan. get's dumped at his favorite eatery on a packed night, after housing this free-loading loser crackhead wannabe. if that wasn't enough, get's mugged and then cuts his finger off in a freak accident where none of his resident free-loaders were there to help him with, while dealing with the imminent lost of his own mother.

then there's Salon Mary. it wasn't bad enough that he went through 3 'serious' relationships in one year but that the last one gave him "THE" bug scare too. i think his string of really bad luck started happening when he bought this dog that was supposed to be a pure-mix, only ending up looking worse than Benji after it's gone through rigomortis. talk about loving your ugly child...

then there's my boy-toy that has been dealt with the wild card of my life all year long, while grapling with his own fears of his own loss, the constant once-a-month car break-in, and the chronic physical pain that he endures from all the stress thrust to him from all corners, piercing his body, head to toe, literally.

you would never think that any of us were dealing with anything if you saw us. unlike 'woe-is-me self-pitier FOB girl.'

FOB girl is on my last nerve. she opens conversations in a whailing tone right off the bat. her life, as she puts it, is a cluster fuck. interestingly, unlike most of us, all her 'cluster-fuck.' is of her own doing. she, mistakenly listed her apt. to rent for a much lower price and to sale for a much higher price. needless to say, she is now renting another place and has put her things in storage and listed her car to sale, because she can't afford it all. then, she left her job because she felt that everybody was backstabbing her, getting the better projects instead of her and blah blah blah. and to make matter's worse, she get's denied her green card application, because she lied, badly. so instead of solidifying anything that would make one have ground, she severes all ties one by one and embraces that of the nomad's mantra.

i've seen this happen before, right in front of my eyes. it's something i cannot stop. making the wrong choice one after another in plain view. it's fun if the person had a sense of humor about it. but with FOB girl, it's painful to watch. and now she wants to have lunch... ohhh... .i dread what might come out of me today. i am in one of my moods lately. truth comes slicing out with a smile.

venti sugar free vanilla no foam soy latte

2006-09-29T09:04:00.000-04:00

getting back to normal

various tests of me

2006-09-01T14:58:00.000-04:00

You Are Elmo

Sweet and innocent, you expect everyone to adore you. And they usually do!

You are usually feeling: Talkative. You've got tons of stories to tell. And when you aren't talking, you're laughing.

You are famous for: Being popular, though no one knows why. Middle aged women especially like you.

How you life your life: With an open heart. "Elmo loves you!"

The Sesame Street Personality Quiz

You Are Smokin' Hot

You're a terrible flirt, a sharp dresser, and a party animal.
Of course, you're totally sizzling too. And for you, being hot just comes naturally.

Are You Hot?

You Are 25 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.

13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!

40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

Your Pimp Name Is...

Pimp Daddy Big Spenda

What's Your Pimp Name?

You Are 76% Sociopath

The good news is that you're devastatingly charming.
The bad news? You mostly use those charms for evil!

Are You A Sociopath?

You Are 83% Indie

You're so indie, it's kind of amazing that you actually found your way to this quiz.
Generally, your tastes are genuinely indie... but sometimes you like something just because it's weird!

How Indie Are You?

You are 87% Libra

How Libra Are You?

what did i say?

2006-08-31T09:00:00.000-04:00

I TOLD YOU SO

Little by little Jefferey's nasty nature is emerging in Project Runway. In moments of these intense adversities, it is unfortunate at how ugly he is being projected. But, where there is smoke, there's fire.

Last night's ep of Project Runway RULED. I cannot believe at how sad it was for Angela. Being the original hated outcast girl, she slowly, little by little redeemed herself and was making some leeway into an adequate, competent contestant. But, all that was ripped right from under her feet—in mankinds most brutal and ruthless display of editted evilness. I ask, what did she do to receive such bad Karma. To this I give you,

the Rosettes. In the end, no one liked the Rosettes, Fleurchons....whatever. They were ugly. Oh poor Angela, she didn't deserve this. Not after the constant berading from Jefferey. Or when he was outwardly mean to her mother, over and over. Or how when Kayne just enjoyed watching him go after her. Or how it is being shown to her now that EVERYBODY thought that she was a really bad designer....Only Laura stood up for her, ever. It was just too cruel. To finally arrive in Paris, meet the designer of your dreams, and to be told, that what she had on, was from Hell, from that very designer...I cried for her. And to think that she was proally sent immediately back to the US, on coach too... the poor lamb. I would have balled my eyes out in public a most heinous self pity scene ever seen on tv. Nose dripping and all, barely being able to speak...waaaaaa

Nevertheless, the show must go on and it is going on with that tacky midwest fatass fag, Kayne. How can anybody think that dressing up drag queens can have good taste, at all? His lack of it is emerging, like I knew it would. It is an insult to all gays across the nation that we don't have an any more appropriate representation, except for this ex-fatty, current blubbery, nasal bitchy tragic queen. UGH! I am over him!

As the show comes down to the wire, it is up to the designers to be able to infuse their work with a certain level of intelligencia to keep moving on from challenge to challenge. To this, I don't discount Vincent just quite yet. As crazy as he is made out to be, in the moment of battle, he is the image of a cool and collected combatant. Always keeping an objective watchful eye on the prize.

The rest of the gamut is comprised of ever smarts Ms. Laura, Neu-hop dreamy Michael (IF, he gets that snaggle tooth fixed,) DJ pattern-mixer Uli and long-necked hyena weasel Jefferey. Laura Laura Laura, she is on survival mode now. She's starting to show, god forbid, some humanity. The pristine ice bitch is gone with the oven bun baking her next scion. She has in our very own eyes, become human. She now experiences exhaustion, compassion and worse of all, she is not up to par as to how she should be representing herself.

I look forward for the day that Jefferey gets his ass kicked off. If not for Angela, for Karma. He deserves to be knocked out. As I mentioned time and time again before, the judges have finally wisened up to the fact that Uli is second best to a one hit note. Even though the challenge was about designing for herself, and even though their comments about her doing the same shtick over and over is like calling the kettle black, what did they think she would do for herself if she was designing for, herself? I swear to god, sometimes the way that they sway opinions based on whoever speaks first, reminds me of a spineless moron who just agrees to whomever for whatever because it is better to appear agreeable than have an opinion of their own. LAME! LAME! LAME!

oh well, there are tons of other lamer things

not just older, tenured as well

2006-08-30T13:02:00.000-04:00

in the past, this would have sounded like a death sentence to me. As with enjoying marital bliss in its' at times almost monotonous routines of social gatherings and comraderieships. Or with establishing our own lingo, our own moments, our memories. These were the kind of things I never wanted to be a part of.

Time and time again, it was about the NEW and all that happened around it. I never wanted to forsee anything and prided myself in surviving whatever it was that was thrown at me. I grew to be stronger because of this, yet, it always seemed fleetingly empty in the end. Though however sharp my instincts have become and quick witted my comments were, it never compared to the time proven diligence of preparation and for-planning.

So what's changed? Nothing really. I still am the scrounging mischieveous jack-of-all trades master-of-nothing happy go lucky fella. I've just gotten better at being myself. As I realize what lies within my means and become a master of something, it also has given me a better perspective of seeing outwardly. It is true what they say about being blind inside that gives one no vision outside.

Experience attained doesn't mean much unless you've learned from it. That's what being tenured is all about.

2006-08-29T17:12:00.000-04:00

Paula Abdul

dayum, those are some GOOOOOD teeth clenching deep breathing feel goooood pillz that she is enjoying. Just look at her squirm... she's like barely keeping it together. I just wanted to see her roll hers eyes back and fall backwards actually...lol

what if…is

2006-08-28T15:59:00.000-04:00

I don't get why it is so hard for some people to just put themselves aside for a second. All I hear is me me me and it really makes me wonder out loud what in the world is wrong with them. I know for a fact when it's not about me and it has to be about somebody else. It is truelly an eye-opening experience to go through something that is very close to heart.

I remember so many times as a child the things my mother would say to me when I whined. If I was hungry and wanted food, she would say, "What would you do if there was no food and you had to eat dirt instead, like they do in Africa?" If I had a hard time waking up in the morning in the cold, she would say "What if we lived in Canada and the house is burning and all you had was your pjs?" Like this, every whine and pang was rebuffed with a quick response. I don't know but I feel that this is probably why it is say, easier for me to just not be all about me me me all the time.

If anything goes bad ever, inadvertedly, by custom, I end up quoting my mom's mantra. What if what if what if...

It's a great coping mechanism, because, what if, is.

Happy Birthday G!

2006-08-25T16:28:00.000-04:00

How many spankings do you want?

xoxo

:)

promiscuous please

2006-08-24T10:59:00.000-04:00

I missed Project Runway even though I was watching it. See, this is the problem with watching TV with fags that are louder than you. All I caught was that Laura was pregger's with kid #6. WHAT? I am more shocked than her mom was. She looks like the most sterile thing on the planet and I thought all her kids were adopted or bought.

Oh, and Robert is out. Good riddance. Ew how cruel of me. But you know, he was getting too gay and his stuff just didn't cut it, for a while. So, bye bye. Besides, there was no way in hell that he could've made an outfit for a wobbling submarine wearing colors that reminded her of her childhood 300lbs ago.

I heard this kickass remix of Promiscuous that I need to have. Heard it yesterday while Military Boot class, and it kicked my depressed butt into high gear, high living high times.... amazing what music can do. Now, I must have it. I've asked numerous music affecionados and have exhausted my iTunes search and nothing. My immediate consumption of music hunger is overbearing me now, I MUST HAVE THAT MIX. It's like nothing will do, I'm at the point of obsessing.

You know, iTunes can be a very dangerous thing for the obsessive compulsive types. I have more music on my iTunes library than I would ever imagine and I don't see it dwindling any time soon. Nothing short of a terrorist attack launched to my city would pry me away from my desk now. Glued to my keyboard, I am doing simultaneous multiple searches throughout the websphere to find this ONE TUNE.

...what some people would do for a 10 minutes of pleasure.

And on a completed unrelated topic, I give you MACACA!

...he's kinda hot

Victim of Sen. Allen's racial slur that was hurled at, while, innocently recording Allen's tired republican pitch for possible points to future presidency. Now, do we really need another outwardedly rascist asshole to run, ruin and pillage or country, again?

saying goodbye

2006-08-23T09:57:00.000-04:00

I'm going back to Japan for my final goodbye to dad. Hopefully he will last until I get there.

So many things go through my head at this juncture of my life. Like, how this process is aging me in ways that I never thought possible. Like, how so many people fall silent at times like this. It makes me think about how I can develop a book on how to help friends of friends deal with these awkward situations. My mind goes crazy with scenarios and concepts upon how this idea can be fleshed out and made into something resourceful, not only for them, but for myself too. All the obvious comes to mind for myself when I have to say something that, I end up not saying anything in fear of sounding dumb and feeling awkward.

That was the case of speaking to dad. I wasn't talking to him on a regular basis because I didn't know what to say. By not talking to him, I guess I felt that it wasn't really happening after all. But it is and has been, so I got over it and started talking to him more so than ever. Thank god because it would have been awful to have to regret not saying what I wanted to say to him initially. And even though it's not what I would call quality conversation, at least we're talking... and he knows that I am on my way back to see him.

These are punctual moments in one's life that is helped to feel and appear so due to its' severity. Feeling down and low seems like the necessary appropriate way to be reacting by within myself. By nature, it is difficult for me to hold on to these emotions. I am a "Happy-go-lucky" person, that, I fear that by not letting myself go down, that I will lose this moment, just, like another memory gone by. My father will never be just that, but my time in Japan may become so.

With his imminent departure, I no longer have a vouch for my stay in that country. My botched adoption has resurfaced and it turns out that I am in fear of becoming a "non-existant" citizen after all. My highschool has gone to the ground, and gone are any records I could have gotten regarding future proof that I was once in that country. What work I did do, those records are probably gone with the recession and demise of those companies. And long last the house that my parents worked all their lives to have, is now probably too big for my mother, and too filled with memories, for her to live there alone. In a country that she never quite felt at home in, in a country that she doens't speak the language of. She herself, has made her stay a questionable thing.

With so many negatives working against me, it but takes just one little thing to take me over the edge. I used to not understand how anything so minute can drive someone to such extremes. Now I do. But, nature has blessed me with strong coping skills. One deep breath is all it takes to settle back into normal mode. I'll be chanelling this while there. I hope that I can show my father enough dignity in his final moments, to properly say good bye to him.

Unfabulous

2006-08-21T08:35:00.000-04:00

We went to see the "the Mostly Unfabulous Life of Ethan Green" and it was horrible. I shoulda gone watch "Snakes on Planes" because I knew that it was going to be lame and that would have been better given that I did expect a marginal amount of talent from the aforementioned film since I used to read it in the comic strips in its hey days. Or as my very good friend Ethan said, "The plot was so full of holes, it was like watching Swiss Cheese" LOL, Thank God for Eeth.

Naturally talking to anybody that goes to watch films and not wait for it to come home on DVDs, we all lament on the account of the constant barrade of poorly executed lame ass films lately. Actually, no, for a while to be exact. It seems like I keep drawing the poo poo platter when it comes to going to watch movies. Oh well, better luck next time.

Speaking about more unfabulousness, what is it with not having cell phones? Granted I am first to point out the annoyance facture of many a cell phone user. It appears that since the invention of this device, people have become cruder, ruder and an intruder to our space, YOU KNOW it took me like a second to come up with that, so chill! But nevertheless, it IS the 21st century and computers ARE here to stay and the internet IS NOT going away ever, so, why is it that I am still in the company of a non-cellphone proprietor?

Say for instance, if I had organized a brunch with my vacation buddies whom we just got to know very well while in Ptown. And say, that I was running late because I was picking up 75% of the attendees and we were stuck in traffic and looking for a parking spot in the heart of "let's hangout city" on a Sunday noon while the street festival was occuring. What would any 21st centurion do today if they were running 10 minutes late because of all this? Uhuh, yeah, I thought so too.

In closing, I don't feel like it's my fault that the lone person without a cellphone ended up leaving after a mere 10-15 minutes of waiting alone at the brunch location. Get a cocktail! or more appropriately, an apertif! But by god, please get a cell phone already!

How SO unfabulous!

hot latino stud

2006-08-18T10:00:00.000-04:00

Why is it that we are all obsessed with how we appear? I have the answer to all that. Its because man developed a device that, hello, takes pictures of us and adds weight to our appearance. Why hasn't there been a person to point this out yet? Isnt' this why we suffer the anoerexic fools? Isn't this why models starve themselves to impossible thinness because clothes look best on hangers? Isn't this why there are fat people actually? If there is excessiveness thinness, then, by nature's law, there has to be morbid obeseness. I just solved it, right here, right now.

If one would take an objective view as to how we are progressing, one would realize that the reason why we suffer one of the most benign issues in the world is because of our obsession with the projected televised image. We all know that the camera adds 10lbs to you. Imagine if it didn't. Actually, imagine if it showed less. Imagine how many people would suddenly realize that all those images we aspire to look like, look horrid. The focus would shift to the emptiness in their eyes of those hailed as beautiful. Have you ever really heard of a skinny gorgeous person who was really happy? NEVER.

I see this picture of yours trully and have to say that, I look hot. "Never looked better," a constant chant my then associates echoed to one another. In pictures, this is true. In life, it couldn't be the fartherst thing from the truth. Unrealized is the chaotic mess I was at this particular time, 5am to be exact. On some random night after a weekend of partying with the boys back then, I thought I was happy. I don't chastise my experiences from back then. They taught me alot. I was lucky and still am so, in different ways. Yeah life goes on and you change with it. You can't remain the same. It may not be as exciting and fun as back then, but, I have a life now.

And that's saying way more than what I could have said back then.

Project SELLOUT!

2006-08-17T13:28:00.000-04:00

no, NOT ALISON! ! ! ! If there was ever a time when a show was so outright for the money, this one is it. Not only am I unsensationalized about psycho mophead Vincent's 401 cashed-out attempt of 15 minutes of fame, but I am tired of being lied to my face about true talent! His walking artifact was like the word arse. EW, gross.

Unlike other stupid shows like "So You Think U Can Dance" omg, who cares really, Project SELLOUT to me all along was about people who had something to show regardless of what they ended up looking like because of good genes. All shows on MTV that spewed life after "Real World", only have to do with about good looking spoiled people who have nothing in common except a high libido. In fact, everyeffingthing on TV is about wanting to see good looking people being projected in unrealistic light. If I wanted to see crappy people getting it off, I'd go to circuit parties and join em. I feel robbed, stabbed, dissapointed and most of all JIPPED by the freaking Weinstein fags, yet again.

The show premises with Tim waking up people at ungodly hours, at 5 am. Granted, if this had been me, I would have opened the door with already a quick 1-2 comeback in tow. He tells all to get ready in an hour and not to wear open toed shoes, especially Robert and Kayne, LOL! Seriously, folks, he should have also told the women not to wear sandals, but, since this is a fashion show program, he already knows that girls with manners don't wear flip flops all over the place.

Their objective. Use recycled material to come up with something innovative.

OK, um HELLO. With only 30 minutes to pick and nary a moment to sketch out an idea, they are all expected to create a complete garment out of trash in less than 10 hours. If Heidi meant that the challenges are going to get tougher by, meaning that the producers don't have the budget to allow the contestants to stay at ATLAS anymore, hence the challenges have to be shortened by half the allocated time, then the show's challenges are becoming cheaper and not tougher. HELLO?

I
WAS
OHHH
VER
IT,
period

As I predicted, Kayne is a midwest fag that thinks that Drag Queens are the epitomy of high-fashion, which is why he created that Bob Mackie throwup that even Kim Stewart wouldn't wear. I have to give it to Jefferey here, and Michael Kors who gets it, GENIUS, that the fine line of beautiful and ugly is an acquired aesthetic. I saw what he was doing, he should have stopped at 70% of completion. It was fine as is, but, he's sorta heavy handed so he tends to over do it. Not like Kayne who is just all out overdone in every way possible. Michael Kors' statement of Kayne going beyong the boudaries of taste, was, priceless. Someone ought to use that in a commercial, really.

I don't like Kayne. No one talks bad about Laura. Robert better watch out now. Talking about Laura like that. Doesn't he know that a queen's strongest alley is also your fiercest foe. She will turn on you and spit you out like a used up tampon from the swinging 70's coked out orgy! I can see it already. She is going to go off on Michael Kors too. She is an alpha femme who, when senses the hint of a male species getting arrogant on a woman for being a woman, she's the amazoness queen that would be the first to chop his nuts off. Her dress was, as I said before, intelligent, aesthetic, pleasing.

UGH ULI! You go girl! I'm convinced now that that the wide-eyed almost glazed look is from too many drugs when she was young. How else can you explain why she can make mix match patterns work, the way she does. She def has her own vision, and it is consistant. All hail Angela. That girl is why freelancers exist. Adaptability. I just love that she is happy to just be there and challege herself continuosly. It may not always be in good taste but, for what she does, she has the cajones to back it up.

I don't agree with Michael's piece winning at all. AT ALL. Jefferey should have gotten this one. I bet they're building him up for an ultimate failure like thing, if the show decides to get all predicatable on our ass. It was sad seeing Alison go, even when she gave that fat model the Minney Mouse haircut. Why didn't anybody say that her fat model's ass is why her outfit looked so bad?!?!

Happy Madonna!

2006-08-16T10:52:00.000-04:00

in Madonna we trust

waning tan, waxing tan

2006-08-15T14:51:00.000-04:00

i can tell when there are those that hate my tan and those that love my tan. Its those that don't comment anything about my OBVIOUS tan are the ones that are jealous about it and hate it. The ones that comment on how great it is et al, love it. To add insult to injury, I have come down with a case of the Tanpochondriac. Not a sister disease of the mysteriously dissapperearing tampon, this one I have is real.

It's the fear of losing my tan prematurely, hence going to all lengths to prolong it. Such as like rubbing self-tanning lotion in the hopes of capturing the tan from fading. Or, lathering oneself with all sorts of ointments to the point that one looks like a giant grease monkey with maximum shinage blinding even yourself from your own reflective image off the mirror. All thoughts I have are about trying to secure a tanning session between lunch hours, or trying to layout in the sun whenever possible. Is it crazy for me to take my shirt off on the top of the roof at work just to get more rays?

I feel orangey

i JUST saw last week's ep of PR

2006-08-15T09:53:00.000-04:00

and it sucked ass, mainly because I didn't watch it when it ran originally. That's the thing about me, being an old-timer. Even when young, I never liked taping things on VCR to watch later. It just seemed like I missed the momentum of it all. And god only knows that I live for the moment. I tried to get into it but everything around watching the show was bugging me. The room was too hot, too lit, too dark, too cold. The TV was too big, too small, too far, too close. I couldn't place my head correctly, I couldn't find a seat to sit comfortably, I couldn't adjust the volume just perfectly. It was that kind of night for me.

So I watched Project Runway, the show that I live for and Bradley got booted off. Early on the show I sensed that my bf had previe knowledge of who was going to be booted off and I suspected it was Bradley when he kept glancing my way everytime they showed clips of him on the show. Was it that that caused me to not enjoy the show? Possibly. I live and love surprises. I thrive on being the biggest loudest most surprised obnoxious viewer of that show. E G A D ! My love of being surprised does not mean that I like to be shocked. I hate being shocked. I will turn violent on your ass if you shock me. I don't know why that is what happens, but it does.

So turns out that this time the models had to pick a style icon and aptly apply that with a designer that they had selected, and the challenge was for the designers to update the style icons' outfit by creating one. Long story short, thank god Michael Kors is back. All in all, the outfits are SO SO to me. I think that the producers need to start pumping a little bit more mulah into the designers pockets BECAUSE, having only a couple of bills to buy material to come up with designs, the look is getting B L A N D. I want to see color, I want to see excess, I want to see MORE!

I still think that Kanye makes dresses typical of little city gays that think drag queens rule. I am sure that Robert's days are numbered. He is already losing his appeal to me and as mentioned before, he is acting like his shadow is diminishing. She can only be top dog when there's no competition but obviously, being consistantly outdone by fellowfagfriend, is hurting his psyche. Finally someone saw through Vincents bad design, ie, the pockets travesty. I never liked what he did for pockets, or hats, or looks... except for the green dress with Angela.

SHOCKERS of all shockers, ANGELA. hmmmm.... wow. Instead of Rosettes, Fleurchons? I'm just amazed that she can hold her own with tattooed mush Jeffery that seems to hate all women because of his small pee pee. Pity. Jefferey's dress was a mess, circa ala Madonna "Nothing Really Matters" era channeling Thierry Mugler with that hard plated outfit used in George Michaels video "Too Funky." yep, Can somebody just put Madonna in a Holy Virgin Mary outfit please? Once and for all? I want to see her in that damn Immaculate Conception look, totally modernized.

Laura and Michael are amazing. First off Laura cuz she is not afraid of anything. LOVE her just for that. And even though she keeps doing her sleek chic stuff, her intellectual aesthetics turns me on. What can I say about Michael except that he is the cutest homeboy trying to stay on the D&L, puhleeze girlfriend! snap snap. You just know it, and I called it. I love the fact that all he needs is to hear her voice to get his strenght back... AWWWW (everybody collectively now) Vision Quest Allison was so lack luster that I still am having a hard time remembering who she designed for again.... nope, still can't remember. Whoever it was for, it didn't ring a resonating bell in me. OH, Farah Fawcett! ugh, the only thing I can think about when I think about Farrah is her fucked up face from too much sun, drugs and plastic surgery. Oh boy, 2 out of 3 here. I shouldn't be calling out people when I can't afford one of the 3. yikes

I'm telling you, Uli better do something else than that same printed halter, sweep, open-back cut dress already. No one sees it but me...no one... NO ONE! And finally, I just love it that nobody even mentioned anything about what was his name again? Like, he never existed! BWAHAHAHAHAAAAA

i still can't forget about it

2006-08-14T18:13:00.000-04:00

each vacation i take with gbu gets better and better. all day long its been depression, destitution and impending doomdom... woe is me, boo hoo hoo, back to reality....bleeeech!

HRUMPH!

don't ask, don't tell

2006-08-14T15:42:00.000-04:00

we have claws, not crabs

2006-08-14T15:18:00.000-04:00

depressed, destitute and impending doom

2006-08-14T10:52:00.000-04:00

nothing compares
nothing compares to youuuu

the skies of P-Town are filled with a beautiful light so bright that all worries and responsibilities are lit away. Cast aside to boring dailies, I and my better half in a better place, spent ever glorious days in the only place in the USA possible that we can dream in pseudo marital bliss. I didn't want to come back, I didn't want to come back at all.

Talk about rainbow haven.

and now we're back to our daily life sucking soul zapping emotional ball and chain existance...

phew, that was a close one

2006-08-02T23:34:00.000-04:00

what is going on, on Project Runway! E G A D... I almost shat in my pants. This teaming up of people has got to stop. Not only does the team leader bequeths sole responsibility for effing-up, but, one who has no talent at all can end up winning an entire challenge, riding on the coat-tails of much more talented and skilled peers... who have taste!

Why is Angela still on the show! Why can't she sketch and go this far? and Why am I suffering more freaking rosettes on outfits?! If I have to see another 'trademark' rosette stuck onto something again... god help me. Since when did rosettes become her thing exclusively? Didn't Japanese grandmas sew those things up since before WW1 for kids to play pattycake back then? They did.

From the get go, I had a really, really REALLY hard time focusing on the show tonight. All in my mind was the WHO is going to be AUF'd out... ew... that sounds like almost a really bad cuss word. AUF'D YOU! hmmm... I see potential there. 'wayz, I cannot believe that Kayne went snooping around Keith's belongings and found criminal circumstantial evidence against him... that is the cuntiest cattiest thing I've EVAH seen a fag pull on somebody else, ever.

O
M
G

I thought I lost my mind when they all started getting all righteous and stuff. Thank God for Robert's word of PC wisdom. Now I hope he thanks God for not being AUF'd out this ep. It was WAY too close. I was so sure that he was going to be gone. He needs to start thinking out of that Barbie box he is stuck in. He's 1 step away from Kayne's midwest pageant schtick. I think next to Tim, these young ones better start heeding the advice of Vincent, she ain't old for nothing. That said,

Allison was robbed. Robbed, ROBBED! Not only did she construct a difficult pencil-line pants that fit well, she followed Keith's vision to the end, proally giving it a better finish than Keith would had. You know, I ALWAYS thought that Keith looked shady. I never trusted his shifty half-lidded eyes. That dress he made last time... those pleats were far too text book perfect. But then again, I shouldn't base my opinion solely on his shifty shady sketchy nature.

I love Laura. She is our next gay icon. There hasn't been one in so long and these girls that keep popping up, they just don't measure up to the wretched diva that Laura can be, should she let loose, but, she is too bent on being glamorously keen to ever go there. She is one tight woman. She is what I say, with feklempt. It is between Laura and Allison who keep my interests peaked here. As for the boys, I like em all... especially Bradley AAAARGH! here I go again befallen for the charms of Bradley B... he must be iRish. Those pesky iRish with their lucky chaRms.

Poor Bonnie. Uli was SO mean to her. Did anybody else notice how she kept a very far distance away from the piece that Bonnie leaded? As if to say, "that piece is ugly and not mine". I wait to hear the day that Uli goes off on Heid in German or something like that. Now that I can see on Project Runway... with english subtitles and Michael Kors rolling on the flooring clutching his pearls in maniacal hysteria.

sigh... I miss good ol' Mikey.

color me truth

2006-08-02T08:26:00.001-04:00

WF took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test!

"Intense, vital, and animated, taking a delight in ..."

Click here to read the rest of the results.

WF's Existing Situation

Imaginative and sensitive; seeking an outlet for these qualities--especially in the company of someone equally sensitive. Interest and enthusiasm are readily aroused by the unusual or the adventurous.

WF's Stress Sources

Feels that life has far more to offer and that there are still important things to be achieved--that life must be experienced to the fullest. As a result, he pursues his objectives with a fierce intensity that will not let go of things. Becomes deeply involved and runs the risk of being unable to view things with sufficient objectivity, or calmly enough; is therefore in danger of becoming agitated and of exhausting his nervous energy. Cannot leave things alone and feels he can only be at peace when he has finally reached his goal.

WF's Restrained Characteristics

Able to achieve satisfaction through sexual activity but is inclined to be emotionally withdrawn, which prevents him from becoming deeply involved.
The situation is preventing him from establishing himself, but he feels he must make the best of things as they are.

Feels that things stand in his way, that circumstances are forcing him to compromise and forgo some pleasures for the time being.

WF's Desired Objective

Intense, vital, and animated, taking a delight in action. Activity is directed towards success or conquest and there is a desire to live life to the fullest.

WF's Actual Problem

The fear that he might be prevented from achieving the things he wants leads him to play his part with an urgent and hectic intensity.

************************

wow! this was one of the most accuratest, is that a word, test ever. TRY IT!

gossip queen

2006-07-31T08:16:00.000-04:00

The one thing that I always had trouble with when I was a child was, not knowing what to say and what not to say. For some odd reason, my parents, mostly mom, never liked anybody else knowing what was happening in our household. Everything was always shrouded by a cloak of mystery. I never knew exactly what my father did for a living, dinner was always a big surprise, I didn't even know that I was adopted... add to that fact that I was a highly imaginative, bored and attention craving kid, the stories that came back to mom whenever she stepped out of the house made her enraged.

Once while at my dad's companys' annual product placement conference, I went on a pity party tirade and told whoever that would listen that not only was I a latch-key kid but also, responsible for keeping the family secret, so dire, that mentioning anything to them would surely yield me some serious ass whooping, on both ends. Another time, while getting a haircut at my dad's hometown where they never met a foreigner, I went on and on about how my sister had to repeat the third grade because she was so quiet that the school's administration wasn't aware of her linguistic skills but that actually she was slightly retarded and needed that extra year to catch up, unlike me, who with a smile and chatty persona, was admitted to my new school without any test, questions and hesitations. Once I even made up this story about how I was almost kidnapped by this vagabond who lived down the ditch by the lake that by the time the story got back to my parents from the neighbors, I had forgotten about that incident completely and had to make up some new bullshit story on the spot at the local police station—that was a tough one and faking amnemic shock was not easy at 11 years old.

And so it has been my entire life that I have kept my parents on pins and needles with stories coming back at them about themselves that they knew nothing about. I wonder aloud about this because the same has always happened to me. Just this past weekend, reminiscing with an old friend about times past and catching up with one another, she mentioned that she had heard a rumor abound that she needed clarification from. Somehow, through the grapevine, again, rumormills have been spinning that I was once a hustler! I remember this being said about me when I moved to Baltimore. I remember distinctively when the internet had exploded and numerous times, I would be approached with a "are you that guy on that site?" I don't know if I should be flattered or insulted here. As always, I take an idealistically optimistic view and cast it away with the wave of a hand.

Gossip Queens, always spinning something about those that they don't understand.

Angela survives AGAIN!

2006-07-27T09:43:00.000-04:00

That skank with bad taste, crazy hair and no friends must have an angel on her side. How else would that atrocity be called "well constructed" by Vera Wang, who, I think has lost it. I think the pressure of literally, sitting in, for Michael Kors has gotten to her brain. She's no catty 'mo. Although, I must admit that calling out Angela's piece of shit liking to her own attire, as not having any taste, was in fact, genius. She should just keep to being witty. Me likes that more.

Where do I begin. From the get go, the show threw me off by highlighting Bradley's self-inflicted pseudo melt-down. As number 1 fan of Project Runway, I must say that the flashy editting has made the show far too juicy for a single hour timeslot. I think that it should be a 2 hour show. It would satisfy my cravings better. Again I am amazed at the relevant topic matters addressed in current trends and executed fashion show downs. As the dog becomes the ultimate accessory, but with the spending power of 40 billions dollars annually by dedicated dog owners, not only is the dog becoming a significant family member, but that amount of money is twice the state budget allocated for Washington DC. Simply put, WOW on nailing the pulse on target. If peroxide blonde bombshells are the mass marketing Svengalis of all time, then everybody should have a peroxide blonde spokesperson for their business.

Going back to the show, what is Vincent on? His constant side head banging reminds me of people rocking on to heavy metal, except that its, sideways. If it is what makes him get a hard-on for his creations, then so be it. Going back to Bradley, I noticed how alot of guys are very sympathetic to him... hmmm... he must be packing some heat. Its always those introspective quiet types that have the most mojo down there. Robert better start showing some of that booty off if he wants to continue on being resident cutie patootie.

The show has far too many talented people this season! Its needs to be a 2 hour show! Why isn't Michael getting more airplay? His creation was a creation. Maybe its been done somewhere else but, not on the show! Unlike Laura's obvious yet again fur-trimmed collar tweed 2 pc. suit, PREDICTABLE and Uli's, again, princess halter top flowing dress. I love her mastery at patterns that saves this but, Allison, was clearly robbed. If I have to hear Laura insinuate over and over how "good tasted" she is, I will sew her lips shut. Howz that for jaw clenching waspy bitch wannabe? Try speaking through tight lips, unlike your other one obviously, 5 kids popping dog hater!

Keith bemuses me but the rumor mill is going crazy that he plagiarized his way onto the show and next week is that famed cliffhanger episode where the truth would be told of who it is that will be kicked out. Who is going to be asked to leave?!?! I just don't know who or where to turn to. And I refuse to find out beforehand... the suspense is killing me. Instead of going to the gym on Wednesday, I was crazy glued to the tube 3 hours before just in case my Tivo didn't work and I missed a nano second of the show. Project Runway has become my life. As number 1 fan, it is my fate. And although Keith has real talent, one cannot compromise one's book with plagiarized material just because you may not have the years, but have the talent. But I'm not saying that its him...I'm just saying

What was Bonnie's crap? um, that Star Wars like peasant coat, did not ring me pretty. It looked fugly. I almost crapped in my pants when I heard Nina Garcia imply that Bradley's creation of pumpkin top highwaisted tight skirt was worthy of being on ELLE mag. It was reminiscent of last seasons orchid inspired Daniel's top, but, the material was too soft and given all the hoopla Bradley threw about it, I was befallen. And yet see! Again! Someone else is sympathetic to Bradley's greased out lost puppy dog eyes... I'm befallen!

Kayne's thing looked like Nick's Ibiza Barbie doll debutante dress, including the hair band. Again, Nick's was better because he had the matching shoes to go with the whole look where as Kayne's pattern aligned overcoat was something my grandma in the 80s would wear. Thats just it you know, he is such a Mid Western fag that he thinks that dressing up girls like Drag Queens is high fashion... EW

Oh poor Katherine. If only she had listened to Tim. People should figure out that he is the next Anna Wintour. That would be so fucking fabulous if a man would herald the fashion world of the most powerful country in the world. Go Gunn! His name ain't Gunn for no reason. We need more male dominance in fashion. Our clothing hasn't changed since the beginnig of time and how wondeful would that be to all if we let women run the world and men take over fashion? Sounds like a solution for world peace to me. Katherine shoulda listend to Tim. But to lose to Angela's crap... OI... it be better to had been booted off for plagiarizing than losing to her lack of taste, sense and style... OUCH!

What is going to happen next week? Who is going to be the first to be kicked off the show ever? Robert better start creating something fun, his shadow is looking mighty thin these days. I hope Alison get's to win soon. She is a vision herself. I can hardly wait for next week...!

pet peeve 2

2006-07-26T12:13:00.000-04:00

There are thousands of people sweating it out without any electricity and some dying from the record high heat wave striking this country and others due to obvious global issues. Countless warnings through the years hasn't yielded much better fare and now, blackouts, hurricanes, droughts and floodings are tantamount to our lives and what do I see across my cube in this corporatedly glossed-out surroundings of mine? What selfless thoughtless righteous act of an over-priviledged waspy know-it-all stupid girl enacted do I see across my ever so pc don't ruffle feathers environment while millions of people are suffering from the basics of basics because of us?

This girl wearing a scarf around her neck. Oh. My. God. What is it about these people doning on ridiculous attire at work? First it was the flip-flops. Now its the scarves around their necks, during the summertime, during record high heat waves! Give me a fucking break. Not only do I have to hear her walk, smelling her scanky feet, but now I have to see her wearing that stupid puke green scarf, looking like as if she's perturbed or something. Maybe if she wore some shoes, her goddamn neck wouldn't be so cold. Is it just me here or does anybody see the stupidity in all this. My feet are hot but my neck is cold. Eat something bitch. That's why you got thunderthighs snaggle feet and pin thin necks. Cuz you ain't eating and starving yo'self instead.

book of truth

2006-07-24T17:01:00.000-04:00

although I parted ways with shady D a long long time ago, there pretty much isn't a day when I don't think about her. The same goes by most everybody I've met along the way. I still think about the one time I acted horribly upon my really good friend while in Japan because my mom never approved of her. It was her way of protecting me from shady characters, and I guess a 12 year old fraternizing with juvenile delinquents was a bad idea afterall. But I can't help it. I'm drawn to their energy, if that would be the word to best describe them.

The same is said today. Most people I know, would be the kind that my parents would dissaprove of. They are not evil mean people, they are just old people from old times who never had time to establish relationships outside of relatives because they were so busy doing the best they can do for me.

Today, Shady D called me out of the blue. It wasn't so bad. I actually wanted to know what had been going on with her. Even though, her lifestyle is something that I don't approve of and can get annoyed by the lies that it is intertwined with. I feel like I can't judge her because I by no means lead an exemplary life myself.

I learned 2 of the biggest things in life when I was in the 7th grade. Hence my maturity level sometimes I think. One was, life is unfair. The second, it doesn't matter if you do a little bit of wrong, its the same as doing alot of wrong. I don't think that that was a fair thing to teach my pure mind that didn't have the know-how of differentiating complex concepts. So, with a little bit of wrong and a lot of wrong, if there is no difference, why point the finger at some and not to others? We're all doing it anyways.

2006-07-24T15:13:00.000-04:00

What You Hung Up (Jaques Lu Cont & Vinicious edit)

THIS is how it's done.

...meanwhile

2006-07-22T11:47:00.000-04:00

as I was contemplating blogger suicide and becoming a secluded hermit has-been, I went to have dinner with one of G's bestestest friends from highschool ever. We all have these friends, the ones' that we get along with, the one's that together its a party even tho' from the onset it appears nothing short than tragic, the one's that will always listen to your gripe no matter what and offer you solid advice, even tho it may sting. I am jealous of this relationship that he has with his friend. Over the years, I have made a handful of close, tight, great friends, but, they all have moved away. It is hard to find someone that you just click with, its hard to find that when you're a transient, period. It's also hard but fun to have a couple of those really good buddies try to hang out as a group. They're always vying for my attention and in a sick twisted sordid way, I love it when they badmouth each other. It makes me feel so good and important. Like Lindsay Lohan in "Mean Girls." A powerful, powerful bitch man.

So I was in the outs and generally feeling blue for OH so many reasons. One as noted is deep. Others, are growing pains blues. I am not ready to give up my childhood yet. I love being a kid and feeling just like so. It gives me my spark in life. My glint in my eye, my mischievous snarl and my totally inappropriate remarks. We got to G's friends' house and wouldn't you know it, they were a picture of haggard marital bliss. It was so comforting to see other people who were making it work by their own means, keeping their dreams and hopes alive. It was not the perfect picture, but it was more than so in so many other ways. I loved how exhausted they were on Friday at 8pm, while, I in the other hand would just be getting my night started usually. I loved how they were both in there lounge wear, and I mean oversized middle america t-shirts with jean shorts, and all of us would be pumping iron at the gym and later primming for drinks at the local bar. It was a different world. A world that involved a child and it made all the difference to me.

Things were rough and it was a rough day and it was just getting rougher by the second between me and the world. I enter this house and the father hands me his baby. There's something in me that will put all my BS aside for the smile of a child. Especially if he's cute. Now if he were an ugly baby, it would have been downhill all the way back to reality...but that's another story. So anyways, this baby is relatively comfortable with me. I cuddle him and jump up and down and basically, we chill. And then, against all odds, he gave me a big fat smile and a hug. No one short than the mother was most surprised by this. Apparently he does not like strangers and would fuss if it was the father holding him too.

It made my night and we had a good time. G had a great time too.

And now for the drama: G's ex has gone awol and went on a stealing rampage. No one know how this docile, gentle, human being who's afraid of his own shadow could have turned ballistic. Theories run rampant, some say that he was forcibly coerced, some say that the combination of things made him snap, some lost faith in him, the truth is, no one knows. He went missing 2 weeks ago and the worst was feared. Things came up stolen and he was seen in various video cameras at far away places. What to do, where are his whereabouts, amidst all this, G was doomed with a sinking feeling when suddenly, it was found out that the ex had been apprehended and is in jail and refuses to speak to anybody. Mystery swirls in this unforceen chain of events. Will the ex be exonerated and sent to the loony bins? Was he coerced into doing these things? There was a second person involved allegedly but no one knows for sure... SCANDALOUS!

Procrastinatorzaurus

2006-07-21T13:40:00.000-04:00

arrrrghhhhh!

I am chomping on my style. Its been a happy 200 posts and now I've gotten haywire on regularity. I almost feel like I have mental constipation and nothing is coming to me as it used to before. Most of it has to do with not feeling up to par lately. A number of things contribute to that. One, I am, for once in all the posting, am feeling under the weather! WOW, god forbid. 2, my dad is going to die, for sure.

But that's just it. This isn't a journal per say and as I look at other bloggers. It's struck me that the concept has been twisted into net journaling from blogging. Hence, I've been questioning all my content material and unexplicably, have disinterested myself from blogging.

So, that's it. I quit. Maybe later, but for now, I am just too busy, bored and bummed out to blog any more.

weinstein weasels

2006-07-20T08:27:00.000-04:00

i am OVER project runway. Sure, Malan was weird, odd, some say ugly and uber-pretentious tho' not really, BUT, giving him the boot from the runway, to me indicated exactly why this country is going down the drain. We, prefer to be entertained by sleaze and bad drama, than rather see an honest reflection go to waste.

Maybe I don't know the real Malan. Maybe I'm giving Angela to much of a bad rap. Maybe I am just being emotional because I identify with the outcast who is only trying to make it while everybody is boo-ing you down and your only cheerleader is yourself. Maybe it's none of that and it's only a show that I am getting too worked up on, but, what made the first season so good to me was the true comraderieship that developed while competing with one another. The happenstance of peppered Wendy Pepper, was just that, a sour source of constant aggravation. And now, the show thinks that it has found its formula for a sure-fire hit solution for ratings, viewership and longevity. How creative...

I don't want another stupid MTV show where people who aren't meant to get along are put together to see them fight. If I wanted to turn to low lives duking it out, I'd watch Jerry Springer, so I won't nor will I ever. Why is it that people have to see ugliness to feel good about themselves. Simply put, because they cannot bear to see the ugliness within themselves.

I'm sad and I will be for a while. There isn't much to be happy about nowadays. I was counting on this show to give me some necessary lift in my daily routine. But now I have to contend to watching people getting nasty all over each other. There is just too much ugliness happening all over the world. Impending doom is upon us all now and it is getting worse by the day.

It was such an original show once. Where creativity and hardworking individuals did receive accolades of praise. It was what once what used to be...

UPDATE:

ok, I'm over my pity party and here's my recap of this stupid show. (still resentful though)

2nd challenge, big bruhaha designing for Ms. Something, contestant billed as American royalty, no one knows her naturally. Big surprise. Designers sent to sketch away for 30 minutes where Angela doesn't do any cuz she can't sketch, hello. So what does she do? Try to weasle her way to Kayne's graces cuz he's a pageantry dress designer and she tells him that "she can help him get out of his shell by pairing up with her." ew

The obviousness of her shallow intent, later lauded by all the boys of unit 28 and coined as "Femme Nazi" by Jefferey, is so disgustingly awful because she's doing it in front of the camera, and its not like they are hidden cameras... they are in her face, and she is being gross in my face. I want her out of my face!

They all pitch ms. whoever the fuck she is with that twang in her voice, same as last season with the show playing up trying to make the designers seem creepy. She picks, they get paired up. Dirty Bitch Angela gets paired up with psycho Vincent and the show was pretty much about these dysfunctional 2. Everybody is over them. Pretty much no one gets air play and when they do its either a comparison to them or commenting about those 2. Angela back-stabs, she undermines, she plays nasty and she unsuccessfully tries to get anybody who will listen on her side and evitably annoys all and that is how its going to be.

Showtime: Surprise judge Vera Wang. WOW! wrong. more like zzzzzZZZZZ. Vera Wang has no sense of humor her pussy is all dried up and looks it too. The models all do their thing down the runway and Malan's dress is tragic with the others being something that you've all seen before. I actually liked Vincent's dress alot. It was classic, reminded me of what Lauren Bacall would wear had she been a stewardess for first class passengers. In Malan's defense, he was trying to do a rouche technique that requires multiple fittings and reconstructing with actual model and it was an overly ambitious goal, yet, he was gracious through in through out. It is hard to make that look good dangit! I cannot believe they chose him over Angela! She didn't do anything and yes Vincent is a tool to work with, but, still. She played dirty and got away with it.

I hate that most in life. Like Bush. Plays dirty and gets away with it.

Velvet Nation : the last hurrah : 200th post

2006-07-17T08:44:00.000-04:00

I am sad

Its finally over, done, finito, caput. Nation closed its doors for good. No more after hours parties, no more pre-parties. I'll probably never see any of those people that I have seen for the past 7 years on the dancefloor. No more VIP rooms, no more cliques, no more training for the circuit pageantry. No more warehouse dance venues in this city. No more visiting DJs and no more any of which I have identified myself for so long. No more fun.

I will probably never dance as hard as I did last Saturday. There was no other place like Nation with the caliber of music that entranced me to move like so. Any other place would just make it seem contrived to move so. Only there did I ever hear my favorite beats that sounded like a thousand hooves pouding the floor. Or that intense percussion sound only played at the late hours for the die-hard core fans. Or my all time favorite when they brought out the vintage grooves. I spent every holiday there including my birthdays. The year 2000 was one of my favorite times there. It was always the destination place to go for a guaranteed night and even if it was bad, it was still good.

For me, it was always about the music...it was the only place I can fit in without having to say anything.

Project Runway 3.0

2006-07-13T09:05:00.000-04:00

After a disappointing, dismaying, disheartening 2nd season where the contestants were not only bland but equally as lacking in talent, Project Runway 3.0 has come back with the same bang that has gotten Heidi Klum pregnant 3 times in a mere 2 years. Its that good people.

Its SO obvious that the producers read every comment I posted on their website about what I thought about the show last season but, it's apparent that they must have been reading my and many other's blogs about the show last year. As usual Tim Gunn, Nina Garcia, and Michael Kors star as the omnipresent insipid fashionistas know-it-alls and Heidi looking fiercer, more in charge, more German than ever has elevated the caliber of the show by 10 folds. Everybody in my office was talking about it, and I mean, e v e r y b o d y. For those losers that dont' watch this show, get cable. And if you have cable and don't watch it, that's just tragic.

This year is gonna be good. Finally. Thank God, something to look forward to, to make my hump day, hump-worthy. And now that they have so many cuties, my fav being Robert Best. A cuter, hotter, beefier and funnier gay without being a totally queened out Nick Verreos from last season...OHmg watch him not be gay after all. Incidentally, I openly heart the tatoos on Jefferey's neck. It is to. die. for.

I can see myself rooting for them while hating Malan(that creepy laugh has to go), Vincent(crazy!) and Laura(uppity upper east-side bitch) already.

And oh please, why do str8 guys like Jeffery(aka Santino) think that an asymetrical dress where the back is shorter than the front, unfinished with various lengths looks cute on women? First of all, it makes women think that their big fat asses are, well, fat. And that it lifts the skirt up in the back because of it. Hello? Bradley and snowboard girl had similar teched-out vying for coolness mattress coats/dresses looks... SO Jay from first season so, not really all that impressed. Though, the other girl that I'm confusing with snowboard girl, who's dress top was a Nihon-esque obi tie around the waist with a long A-line floor lenght skirt, I thought her outfit was flawless, fierce and fabulous. Personally, I didn't care for the architect's fur trimmed coat. It was too big on the girl and even though it won high praises, it was WAY pretensious and I can see that being her driving force already. Poor Stacy, getting booted off when her dress wasn't all that bad but, in the end, no gay nor woman, same thing actually, wants to see themselves in grandma panties, ever!

Did anybody else feel totally let down that Michael's coffee filter dress didn't get any play at all? It may not be as genious as the corn stalk dress from Austin, but considering what happened to the rooms at "ATLAS NY, GOTHAM CITY'S FINEST.. blah blah blah", STOP Heidi with the plugging already, I think he did an ingenious job of finding something unique to use. IMHO anywayz.

I like Uli alot. Her mastery of using completely off-setting patterns going all schizophrenic directions making them work, reminds me of my ADD and ADHD and how I make it work everyday. It ain't easy people. I'm rooting for you too girlfriend. It is what Tim Gunn says that helps me live, day by day, "Make it work". I wonder how Keith is going to be since he DIDN'T take Tim's advice and won the competition even though it was his first take on women's wear ever. He seems cocky and that's pretty much why Tim like's him anyways. I betchu he is going to break somebody's heart... ooooo That pretty girl Allyson is so annoying. She so pretty. You know that she be selling herself in those photos that she self-styled. What we haven't seen are the X-rated ones. Please, "I'm self funded" uhuh sweetie. That skin pink potatoe sack she made, will only look good on a model, like Heidi, if even.

I'm still not sold on the girl that eats fashion and the queen who mimicked mommie dearest with those god awful pageant dresses. That dress he made was pretty cool but having that backing tag along your legs all day long would drive me, er, any woman crazy and not being able to sit, would kill me. Girl that put flowers on that model's back with that HOrrible walk, they had to go. Her dress was cute BUT, that was about it.

I can't wait for next week. Its all anybody is talking about here. I've been reading everybody's bio and checking portfolios n stuff. The entire dept is at lunch and here I am blogging about this show... talk about TnU ;)

Project Flush Away

2006-07-12T14:20:00.000-04:00

I've discovered the secret to shedding pounds in a healthy natural way and that today is the beginning of my favorite show ever.

Last season of Project Runway was more like project yawn or project runaway. It was weak. The person who won was designing pillowcase-sleeves in Victorian inpired coats to the women of today, hello? The runner up kid did some cute things but his handbags looked like carpentry projects from after school intramurals. The wild card ended up losing his wit and churning out toned down work that was just, toned down. The one time to wow an audience, they all bombed and it left me with a nasty after taste. TV has been boring and I dont' watch many shows because of this. I prefer documentaries where in the process of watching something you actually learn a new fact or have conversation material later on. I was once watching soaps but now that I figured out that it never ends, instead of turning me onto them, its turned me off.

It has to do with my current state-of-mind. The idea that something not going away after so much put into, makes me gag. I like endings, I guess afterall. It gives me the necessay distance required to allow me to think what I just digested. The mere thought that something that can go on and on with no progress in size, shape, or form, actually, if you come to think of it, can be possibly my most horrific realization. For one that is in the constant, the now, on the go, hell would be a stagnant instance of the mind.

OOOOO I can't wait for the show to start and the lbs to come off! Then maybe I can wash myself with my own me-made soap. How sick is that